10 Things Every Teacher Needs to Know About Emotions and Learning

10 Things Every Teacher Needs to Know About Emotions and Learning http://www.bestcollegesonline.com/blog/2012/08/12/10-things-every-teacher-needs-to-know-about-emotions-and-learning/

By this point, it ought to be common sense that one’s emotions certainly hold influence over academic and professional performances. Savvy teachers and bosses, however, know that the reality exists as far more nuanced than one blanket statement implies. As such, they should probably read up on the subject, particularly as it pertains to common and not-so-common mental health and neurological conditions.

Emotions impacting learning exist on a spectrum:

One of the more popular studies regarding interplay between education and emotion, from MIT, reminds teachers that the feelings impacting learning do not exist as one solid, nebulous mass. Rather, they sit on five different spectrums, each of which factor into their overall performance. Anxiety-Confidence, Boredom-Fascination, Frustration-Euphoria, Dispirited-Encouraged, and Terror-Enchantment all hold sway in their own unique ways, and savvy teachers would do well to recognize their respective roles in shaping the process.

Memory triggers responses:

There’s a physiology behind why emotions influence learning acumen and styles, involving communication between the limbic system where they first grow and the brain stem and cortex, which process stimuli and control learning. In turn, this triggers memories relevant to the material at hand. Positive ones typically open the mind up more to soaking up material, while their negative counterparts close it up and render it difficult to retain important information. Math anxiety stands as one of the most common manifestations of this phenomenon, with damaging thoughts and emotions piling up and precluding forward movement.

Emotions ARE learning:

Especially in younger kids, processing, understanding, and managing emotions in and of themselves stands as its very own learning experience. Because of this, educators should understand how they infuse themselves into the more academic lessons found in the classroom. Social and Emotional Learning curricula, developed by Penn State’s Mark Greenberg, have started seeping into school districts as a means of producing more well-rounded students capable of thinking and feeling healthily. These strategies acknowledge emotional intelligence as equally pertinent to a child’s development as ABCs, 1-2-3s, and DO RE MIs.

Why, yes, those on the autism spectrum DO experience emotions:

Any teacher with a student on the autism spectrum likely knows of the dangerous stereotype painting such individuals as incapable of feeling emotions. In reality, many ASD kids and adults grapple against expressing them or fully grasping certain stimuli, but they absolutely do not follow time’s arrow as hollow automatons. Because this unfortunate myth still persists throughout society and academia alike, however, it’s imperative that everyone understands the realities behind the oft-stigmatized conditions and tailor their teaching accordingly.

University of Cambridge developed the world’s first encyclopedia of emotions:

When working with students on the autism spectrum, the Mind Reader DVD-ROM might prove a valuable resource when it comes to assisting them with better recognizing emotions. Some — though by no means all — ASD individuals struggle when it comes to identifying facial expressions and verbal cues indicative of the feelings of others, and that’s where Cambridge’s compilation steps in to help. In the video, actors portray all the intricacies of 412 of the most common emotions, training viewers to point them out in real-life situations.

Emotional disturbances are medical conditions:

And, depending on the level of severity and disruption, can sometimes fall under the heading of learning disability. They stem from several different sources (sometimes mental illness, sometimes issues at home) and externalize themselves in various ways, with the most common involving behavior issues, depressive symptoms, and/or problems with retaining information not hailing from other factors. Kids continuing to display the symptoms of emotional disturbance might actually live with one rather than requiring disciplinary action after disciplinary action — a trip to the school counselor might prove far more beneficial and sustainable.

More creative people experience more positive emotions:

University of Toronto researchers discovered evidence that the stereotype about negative emotions fueling creative pursuits better than their chirpier opposites might actually ring false. Positivity might actually nurture innovative, abstract thinking and pursuits, because it lacks the same level of mental distraction stapled onto doom and gloom and despair. Creating a loving, healthy environment for students might very well improve their grades, performances, and eager minds.

More positive students are more productive:

Similarly, a classroom with minimal anxiety and negativity also encourages greater productivity as well as creativity. University of Western Ontario noted a correlation between cognitive flexibility in two cortices and a heightened mood, both of which improved subjects’ performances significantly. Once again, science proves why faculty and staff alike must put forth the effort to make sure their schools exist as safe spaces that actually make students want to show up for class — or at least dread it as little as possible.

Trauma can be one-time or chronic:

Seeing as how negative emotions such as depression, anxiety, anger, irritability, and the like hamper performance, productivity, attention, and retention, all education professionals should also exert the effort to identify the symptoms (a complete list is available on the link) related to trauma and their frequency. Depending on the situation and the individual, they settle in either as temporary setbacks or a permanent issue requiring serious addressing inside and outside the classroom. Work with students suffering beneath trauma’s crushing jackboot rather than penalizing them for distraction and emotion-related poor performances.

Mood disorders impact 14% of American adolescents, aged 13 to 18:

Severe mood disorders affect 4.7%, and this includes bipolar disorder, major depressive disorder, and dysthymic disorder. At the age 8 to 15 level, only 3.7% of students experience these conditions. Females between 12 and 15 stand as the most vulnerable demographic, with 4.9% and 4.8%, respectively, meeting the diagnostic criteria.

In Praise of Memorization: 10 Proven Brain Benefits

http://www.bestcollegesonline.com/blog/2012/07/23/in-praise-of-memorization-10-proven-brain-benefits/ In Praise of Memorization: 10 Proven Brain Benefits Posted on Monday July 23, 2012 by Staff Writers

Memory learning catches a lot of flack these days. Informed educators are often quick to write off rote memorization as an unnecessary and even harmful exercise, instead preferring to teach creativity and problem solving. While we agree that creative, analytical lessons are a great way to learn, it’s worth pointing out that memorization can still play an important role in learning, no matter your age. Read on to find 10 great benefits of memorization in school and beyond.
Memorization trains your brain to remember:
Although memorizing lines of poetry may not feel particularly essential, it’s an important task for training your brain to remember things. This type of memorization task exercises your brain, giving it strength to retain more information. Memorizing passages or poetry over time (rather than cramming) is a very effective way to make your brain more receptive to remembering.

Memorization challenges your brain:
Just like when you work out at a gym, consistent and challenging exercise is the key to staying brain fit. Challenges like memorization are a very useful way to work out your brain for better mental health.

Rote learning improves neural plasticity:
Irish researchers found that through extended exercises in rote learning, learners can actually recall more information overall. Rote learning benefits the hippocampal foundation, a key structure in the brain for episodic and spatial memory in humans. In their group of participants aged 55-70, these researches noted that repeated activation of memory structures promotes neuronal plasticity in the aging brain.

Nursery rhymes teach rhythmic patterns:
Repeating the same nursery rhymes over and over again to young children offers memorization by repetition, a very important memory tool for kids. As parents recite familiar rhymes, children learn rhythmic patterns, teaching them balance and symmetry.

Memorization offers a mental gymnastics exercise:
Those who obsess over sports statistics should be encouraged: neurobiologists believe that “mental gymnastics”, like remembering facts from sports history, can make your brain more quick and agile. Although researchers have yet to find a direct link, they do believe that there’s a plausible connection between sports score obsessions and a more flexible mind. Plus, as UCLA neuroscientist Arthur Toga points out, an exercise like reading sports scores “gets a lot more circuits involved” than, say, watching sports on TV.

Knowing frees up brain power:
Students who “just know” equations, functions, definitions, and other memorized facts can save brain power; brain power that can be used for other things. If foundational concepts and information are grasped, students can move on to bigger and better things, rather than spending time looking up words or doing simple math in a calculator.

Memory exercises help students practice focus:
As an adult, it may be hard to remember what you ate for dinner last night, but you just might remember the Gettysburg Address you had to recite in grade school. Why is that? The answer is focus. As students spend time memorizing passages, tables, anything at all, they learn to find focus. Educators have found that students who were required to memorize from an early age often go on to have more capacity to focus on educational tasks as high school and college students.

Memory skills are essential to learning new concepts:
Weber State University student researcher Paula Fiet has delved into a working memory research project, discovering that underdeveloped short-term memory may be to blame for some students’ problems with mastering concepts in math and reading. Fiet explains, “you need working memory to learn,” or to hold enough information in your mind to comprehend what you’re learning. Fiet’s research has shown that “children with poor working memories don’t get enough information in their minds at one time to make sense of what is coming in.” Students who complete exercises aimed at building short-term memory have seen improvement in their working memory and capacity to learn.

Working memory is important for creativity:
Just as a strong working memory is good for learning, working memory is important for creativity as well. Dutch researchers have found that semiprofessional cellists were able to perform more creatively with a higher working memory capacity. But under cognitive load, participants performed worse on a creative insight task. Students who learn to focus and develop their working memory through memorization tasks can free their mind to become more creative.

Memory training can stave off cognitive decline:
Memory-forming can become a healthy lifelong habit. Researchers from the National Institute on Health and Aging have found that adults who went through short bursts of memory training were better able to maintain higher cognitive functioning and everyday skills, even five years after going through the training. Practicing memorization allowed the elderly adults to delay typical cognitive decline by seven to 14 years. Students who start practicing memory training now can stay sharp in years to come.

9 Ways to Keep an Aging Brain Sharp

9 Ways to Keep an Aging Brain Sharp

http://www.onlinepsychologydegree.net/2012/07/18/9-ways-to-keep-an-aging-brain-sharp/

Everything slows down with age, especially our brains. Sadly, the old saying, “if you don’t use it, you lose it” is true in the case of plasticity, the brain’s ability to change. As we get older, it becomes harder for the brain to learn new things and recall information from the past. As frustrating as it is to feel disoriented and experience memory loss, it isn’t the end for your brain. Like your muscles, your brain needs daily exercise to stay in shape. Check out these nine ways to keep your brain sharp well into old age.

Exercise regularly: Not only is regular exercise good for the body, but it’s also good for your brain. Exercising improves blood flow to the brain and increases oxygen and glucose levels. A well-oxygenated brain is sharper and has improved mental functions. Unlike other forms of exercise, walking is not strenuous and requires less oxygen and glucose, therefore, you may be able to feel the oxygenated effects more when walking. Not to mention, exercise releases endorphins, the feel-good chemicals that reduce pain and improve your mood. And who doesn’t want that?

Eat more berries: In addition to eating a well-balanced diet, aging adults might want to increase their berry intake to delay memory decline. According to a recent study conducted by Harvard researchers at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, a high intake of strawberries, blueberries, and flavonoid-rich berries can, over time, delay memory loss in older women by two and a half years. The high antioxidant compounds found in blueberries and strawberries may help preserve brain function.

Play brain games: One of the best ways to stimulate the brain and keep it sharp is to play brain games. Sudoku, chess, crossword puzzles, and checkers are just a few brain games that probe memory, language, and math skills and improve concentration and strategy. Another fun mental exercise is to test your memory by recalling information from several years ago, such as addresses, phone numbers, and the names of old neighbors or teachers. Studies have shown that stimulating brain games may even help thwart Alzheimer’s diseases, dementia, and memory loss.

Stay connected: Skipping out on family gatherings and social activities may have a devastating effect on your brain function and memory in your senior years. Those who maintain strong relationships and engage in regular social activity are more likely to have good mental health and ward off diseases like dementia and Alzheimer’s. Regular social interaction may also have lasting effects on your memory and cognitive function. Keep your brain healthy and sharp by maintaining a strong social circle and visiting with friends and family on a regular basis.

Read often: Reading is one of the best ways to boost your brain power and keep it sharp. Reading can improve your vocabulary and writing skills, as well as introduce you to new skills and knowledge that can help you solve problems and make better decisions in life. Aging adults who read on a regular basis may have a more active imagination and a heightened sense of creativity.

Learn something new: As we age, we get set in our ways and become more reluctant to learn new things. A lack of new, challenging stimulation can make you feel less sharp. The brain needs to be exercised daily and one of the best ways to keep it sharp is to learn something new. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn Italian, play the guitar, or take an art class. It doesn’t matter what you do or how well you do it, just going through the motions of learning a new skill is a challenge in itself.

Travel: Traveling stimulates the brain and exposes you to new and exciting experiences. Whether you’re visiting a friend or exploring an unfamiliar place alone, you will most likely have interesting and memorable social encounters. Traveling awakens your senses and lifts your spirits while allowing you to use important navigation skills to get to and from your destination.

Get more sleep: Sleep is crucial to maintaining a healthy brain. In order for the brain to process new information and store it to memory, it needs ample rest. Sleep also helps you retain information and perform better on tasks throughout the day. Sleep apnea, insomnia, and other sleep disorders can negatively impact cognitive functioning. Those who are sleep deprived may experience severe problems with memory, problem-solving, and learning.

Reduce stress: Chronic stress can have a devastating effect on your mind and body. An increase in the stress hormone cortisol can hamper nerve cell growth and lead to impaired memory. Chronic stress can weaken the immune system, making you more susceptible to illnesses. It also wreaks havoc on your mental health and can lead to debilitating mental disorders such as anxiety and depression. Manage your stress and keep your brain healthy with stress-reducing activities like yoga, meditation, exercise, listening to music, and socializing.

8 Drugs with Really Embarrassing Side Effects

8 Drugs with Really Embarrassing Side Effects July 19, 2012 Posted by: Staff Writers Writer for InsuranceQuotes.org http://www.insurancequotes.org/2012/07/19/8-drugs-with-really-embarrassing-side-effects/

Scientists have made remarkable advances in medicine during the past century, finding treatments for everything from strep throat to Parkinson’s disease. Even vanity causes aren’t beyond the reach of drug companies, which offer solutions to even our most embarrassing physical shortcomings. Often though, the side effects of medication can be just as humiliating as the problem it was created to solve. If you take one of the following drugs, we hope you’re immune to either these cringe-worthy side effects or to total embarrassment.

Alli and Xenical: Orlistat, the generic drug for weight-loss pills like Alli and Xenical, is effective in making you lose weight, but that could be because it shames you into following a low-fat diet. The medication keeps you from absorbing all the fat you eat into your system, so that fat basically just comes out the other end … sometimes when you don’t expect it. You can have gas with oily discharge, loose stools, and more frequent stools that might be hard to control. Translated, that means grease-stained or poop-filled pants. The Alli website even used to recommend wearing dark pants and bringing an extra change of clothes with you to work until you understand these “treatment effects.”

Zoloft: We all know that Viagra can cause erections lasting four hours or longer from the drug’s commercials, but those people are kind of asking for it. Zoloft users, however, may not expect embarrassingly long erections when they take the medicine to treat their depression. It’s more likely that the drug will cause a decreased interest in sex or erectile dysfunction, but those side effects are arguably less embarrassing than the poor guy who has to cover his crotch half the work day.

Mirapex: Imagine you’re diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and start a drug regimen to help control it. Suddenly, you find yourself throwing all your money away at blackjack tables and the race track. The two probably seem unrelated and you might be embarrassed by your new lack of impulse control, but the Parkinson’s drug Mirapex has actually been found to increase gambling in some patients. So the next time you hear about some schmuck who gambled his family into debt, ask if he has Parkinson’s before you judge him.

Ambien: Ever wonder how you woke up in the morning with frosting on your face? If you take Ambien, you could have your answer. Many users have reported sleepwalking, sleep-eating, and worse. Some have attempted to drive while asleep, made telephone calls, and some may even have had sex — and they all woke up in the morning with no recollection of the event. Besides being dangerous, this could be more embarrassing than drunk-dialing someone or having an alcohol-induced one-night stand. The sleep-eating can be more traumatizing than you’d think, too, as people under the influence of the drug sometimes eat things they shouldn’t, like raw meat and inedible objects.

Seroquel: Schizophrenia is a serious mental disorder that should be treated, but for some, the treatment can be almost as embarrassing and perhaps more unexpected than the disease itself. For a small number of patients, the drug Seroquel causes galactorrhea. Sounds disgusting, right? Galactorrhea is lactating spontaneously when you’re not pregnant or nursing, a horrifying leak to spring when you’re not expecting it.

Propecia: If you thought it was bad for a woman to lactate spontaneously, imagine how much worse it must be for a man! In rare cases, Propecia, a drug many men use to treat hair loss, can cause a humiliating little side effect known as gynecomastia. In layman’s terms, that’s man boobs. And for a few unlucky patients, these man boobs can actually produce milk if stimulated too much. Here’s the question: would you rather be bald or have breasts?

Phenytoin: The drug phenytoin helps control seizures in epilepsy patients. It also helps women fulfill their dreams of becoming a circus sideshow act: “Come one, come all, and see the famous bearded lady!” One pesky side effect of the undeniably useful drug is hirsutism, or the growth of unwanted hair. We’re talking 5 o’clock shadows and chest hair. So, ladies, if you find yourself sprouting fur in unattractive places, it might be time to stop the phenytoin and try a different treatment.

Indocin: While men don’t actively look at each other while they urinate, you know that if something strange were going on, some heads would turn. Is blue urine weird enough for you? There are actually several drugs that will change your pee to an unnatural color. Blue or green can come from Indocin, Tagamet, and Elavil. Flagyl, an antibiotic, can even cause black urine. That’s not something you see at the urinal every day!

Essential Psychology Books for Business Students

The Essential Psychology Books for Business Students

http://www.onlinemba.com/blog/the-essential-psychology-books-for-business-students/ July 16, 2012 You may have aced your courses in finance, business law, and management, but that doesn’t mean you’re ready to head out into the business world just yet. A well-rounded business education should also include the study of psychology, because an understanding of the human mind and human behavior can make the difference between success and failure in any kind of business venture, from finding investors to managing employees. Knowing how to be persuasive, make hard decisions, motivate others, and work within a group are all essential skills in the business world, and they’re practices that have been the subject of much psychological research and writing, the most accessible of which can be incredibly enlightening for future businesspeople. If you don’t have time to take a course in business psychology, consider reading one, a few, or all of these books that are related to the topic. You’re bound to find some powerful insights into the human mind that will make it easier to get where you want to go in your career. Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini, Ph.D.: Knowing how to persuade others is at the heart of being successful in business. You’ll need the skill to get funding, lead, and sell products and services, so read up on some of the most revealing studies on influence and persuasion in this classic pop-psych tome. Business Psychology and Organisational Behaviour by Eugene McKenna: If you need a textbook on the ins and outs of business psychology, this is a great choice, regardless of whether you’re enrolled in a business psych course. It’s a great place to get foundational knowledge and could give you some business-focused tips on understanding human behavior and motivations. Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action by Simon Sinek: Ever wonder why some leaders can get people to do what they want while others struggle? It may boil down to simple psychology, as you’ll learn in this book from Simon Sinek. Sinek offers insights into what communication methods great managers and business leaders use that really deliver results. The Winner’s Brain: 8 Strategies Great Minds Use to Achieve Success by Jeff Brown, Liz Neporent, and Mark Fenske: Your brain is more than just another organ in your body, as it controls everything that you do from breathing to complex mathematical calculations. Yet your brain can also hold you back, as these authors demonstrate that a large part of success is really all in your head. The Art of Choosing by Sheena Iyengar: In business, you’re going to have to make a lot of choices, some of them pretty tough, but do you ever stop to think about why you make the choices you do? This book examines the psychology behind choice and may help you to be more conscious of even the small decisions you make, as they can have far-reaching consequences. Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard by Chip Heath and Dan Heath: Get advice from this dynamic brotherly duo on how to make difficult changes in your life or your company with greater ease, defeating the innate predilection for comfort to help you make changes for the better. Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Dan Pink: You might think you understand what motivates you and your employees, but this book will likely show you that you don’t know the whole truth. The psychology behind motivation is often much more complex than we allow for, and this book offers some great lessons that will help you be a more effective leader and manager. The Human Side of Enterprise by Douglas McGregor: This management classic was first published in 1960, and despite all that has happened since, it still holds a lot of wisdom for modern managers. This expanded edition holds not only McGregor’s original text, but also stories of how today’s business leaders are applying his strategies, based in motivation psychology, with great success. The Wisdom of Crowds by James Surowieki: We tend to think of the mob mentality as being a bad thing, but this book will show you that that’s not always the case. Your employees, when working together, can often be a much wiser, more powerful, and productive force than when working independently. The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work by Shawn Achor: If you’re not familiar with positive psychology, this book can be a great primer, showing you how to apply many of its central principles to your life at work, making you happier and ultimately more successful, even when the going gets tough. Power, Influence, and Persuasion: Sell Your Ideas and Make Things Happen by Harvard Business School Press: This is another great read on understanding the psychology of persuasion. Let Harvard Business School experts teach you how to command attention, change minds, influence decision-making, and more. The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg: While patterns and habits get a bad rap, they can be a boon for businesses that are savvy enough to realize they exist. Duhigg explains how some of the most successful businesses and products simply capitalized on or transformed existing patterns, making this an enlightening read for any prospective entrepreneur. The Psychology of Selling: Increase Your Sales Faster and Easier Than You Ever Thought Possible by Brian Tracy:In business, you’re always selling something, even if you’re not a salesman. You sell your ideas, your expertise, and even yourself to potential employers, so you had better be good at doing it. Learn some of the essential psychological tricks behind successful sales from Brian Tracy in this book. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck:It’s not hard to see how what you think can influence your reality or at least your perception of it. In this book, psychologist Dr. Dweck explains how establishing a positive mindset is as essential to success as talent and ability. The Silent Language of Leaders: How Body Language Can Help–or Hurt–How You Lead by Carol Kinsey Goman: You might not be saying anything, but your body language may be speaking volumes. Drawing on neuroscience, psychology, and management theory, Carol Kinsey Goman can help instruct you to be more aware of your body language and to be better at reading that of others. Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die by Chip Heath and Dan Heath:In order to get a business off of the ground, you have to have your idea stick, yet it can be hard to figure out just what makes an idea so “sticky” in the first place. This book will shed some light on the matter, using the theory of memory, the human scale principle, and a little something called curiosity gaps to explain why some ideas live on while others die. Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions by Dan Ariely: Think your decisions are perfectly rational? Think again. Dan Ariely explains some of the unconscious factors at play when we’re trying to make decisions, which could have a big impact on your success (or failure) at work. The Upside of Irrationality: The Unexpected Benefits of Defying Logic at Work and at Home by Dan Ariely:In this sequel of sorts to his previous book, Ariely explains why being irrational isn’t always a bad thing, explaining some of the surprisingly positive effects (though some negative, too) that our predictably irrational decisions can have on our lives. Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently by John C. Maxwell: It’s easy to talk but much more difficult to really be heard; at least that’s the lesson that Maxwell is trying show here. He offers up some great practices that can help you take advantage of human nature to become a better communicator and leader. A First-Rate Madness: Uncovering the Links Between Leadership and Mental Illness by S. Nassir Ghaemi: Sometimes, qualities that come along with mood disorders or other mental illnesses, also lend themselves to great leadership, especially under pressure. In this book, you’ll learn about the connections between mental illness and greatness in some of the world’s most famous leaders, perhaps changing how you think about qualities you had previously regarded as weaknesses. Here Comes Everybody: The Power of Organizing Without Organizations by Clay Shirky: In today’s world, it’s impossible to operate without harnessing the power of the web. In this book, you’ll learn more about the new ways that people are organizing, cooperating, and joining up by using the Internet, changing some of the basics of social interactions. A great primer for anyone looking to learn more about marketing. Linchpin: Are You Indispensable? by Seth Godin: Sometimes, becoming indispensable at a business has a lot to do with being able to think differently than others. In this book, you’ll learn how to set yourself apart and what qualities you can cultivate to change how others see your role in a business. Entrepreneurial DNA: The Breakthrough Discovery that Aligns Your Business to Your Unique Strengths by Joe Abraham: Entrepreneurs are a much more diverse group and there’s a much wider range of talents and abilities that lead to success than we are often led to believe. Learn how your brain is hardwired for entrepreneurship and how you can capitalize on your own talents for business. How to Click with People: The Secret to Better Relationships in Business and in Life by Rick Kirschner: One of the benefits of knowing a bit about psychology is getting better at interacting with others in personal and professional relationships, and this book offers some helpful guidelines for doing just that.

Smiling can boost your immune system

Smiling can boost your mood and even your immune system. Keep reading for more fascinating facts about our smiles. Forcing yourself to smile can boost your mood: Psychologists have found that even if you’re in bad mood, you can instantly lift your spirits by forcing yourself to smile. It boosts your immune system: Smiling really can improve your physical health, too. Your body is more relaxed when you smile, which contributes to good health and a stronger immune system. Smiles are contagious: It’s not just a saying: smiling really is contagious, scientists say. In a study conducted in Sweden, people had difficulty frowning when they looked at other subjects who were smiling, and their muscles twitched into smiles all on their own. Smiles Relieve Stress: Your body immediately releases endorphins when you smile, even when you force it. This sudden change in mood will help you feel better and release stress. It’s easier to smile than to frown: Scientists have discovered that your body has to work harder and use more muscles to frown than it does to smile. It’s a universal sign of happiness: While hand shakes, hugs, and bows all have varying meanings across cultures, smiling is known around the world and in all cultures as a sign of happiness and acceptance. We still smile at work: While we smile less at work than we do at home, 30% of subjects in a research study smiled five to 20 times a day, and 28% smiled over 20 times per day at the office. Smiles use from 5 to 53 facial muscles: Just smiling can require your body to use up to 53 muscles, but some smiles only use 5 muscle movements. Babies are born with the ability to smile: Babies learn a lot of behaviors and sounds from watching the people around them, but scientists believe that all babies are born with the ability, since even blind babies smile. Smiling helps you get promoted: Smiles make a person seem more attractive, sociable and confident, and people who smile more are more likely to get a promotion. Smiles are the most easily recognizable facial expression: People can recognize smiles from up to 300 feet away, making it the most easily recognizable facial expression. Women smile more than men: Generally, women smile more than men, but when they participate in similar work or social roles, they smile the same amount. This finding leads scientists to believe that gender roles are quite flexible. Boy babies, though, do smile less than girl babies, who also make more eye contact. Smiles are more attractive than makeup: A research study conducted by Orbit Complete discovered that 69% of people find women more attractive when they smile than when they are wearing makeup. There are 19 different types of smiles: UC - San Francisco researcher identified 19 types of smiles and put them into two categories: polite “social” smiles which engage fewer muscles, and sincere “felt” smiles that use more muscles on both sides of the face. Babies start smiling as newborns: Most doctors believe that real smiles occur when babies are awake at the age of four-to-six weeks, but babies start smiling in their sleep as soon as they’re born.

A lesson that will help us lead more fulfilling lives

THE 'HUMPS' WE SEE IN OTHERS

I don't know about you, but I don't spend a great deal of time worrying about how I appear to other people. I know I'm not perfect. Far from it. But I figure that there is an upside to my own flaws, faults and imperfections: for one thing, they seem to bring joy to others. Maybe that's reason enough not to over-polish.
Or maybe it's just that I underestimate the seriousness of my own shortcomings. I might be like the man who was driving a car with a bumper sticker that read, "Hang up and drive." A police officer was pleased to spot the sticker, as she had witnessed too many accidents caused by motorists talking on cell phones. Wanting to signal her approval to the driver, she pulled up alongside the car. But when she glanced over, she was dismayed to see him peering into his rear-view mirror and shaving. At least he wasn't talking on his mobile phone.
Maybe it is just easier to spot the flaws in others. It's like the camel. An African proverb states, "The camel never sees its own hump, but that of its brother is always before its eyes." I probably don't see my own humps very clearly. Or, as writer Margaret Halsey once said, "Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters."
So I can appreciate the story of an elderly couple who, while on an automobile trip, stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. The woman left her eye glasses on the table, but didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. And, of course, it was difficult to turn around by then. Her husband fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant about her "always leaving her glasses" behind. They finally arrived, and as the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the old man said, "While you're in there, you may as well get my hat, too."
Psychologist Carl Jung puts a powerful spin on this phenomenon of seeing other's faults more clearly than our own. He teaches that "everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." Or, put another way, the humps we can't help but seeing in others are a lot like the humps others see in us. Or, perhaps they are like the humps we see in ourselves.
So, what would happen if we'd look at other people's faults and humps as a gift? After all, they're teaching us about ourselves.
And that's what makes us different from camels.

-- Steve Goodier

Keep smiling

10 ENDURING WAYS TO KEEP SMILING By Alex Blackwell If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. –Andy Rooney. It doesn't take a lot of effort to smile, it only takes one reason. Our lives can be stressful and complicated at times, but that doesn’t mean laughter, happiness and serving up a warm, beautiful smile can’t fill the gaps in between. Perhaps if we can think of more reasons to smile, the gaps might become further apart and the energy our smiles provide will have a better chance of sustaining our efforts to look for the positive that exists around us. Maybe, our smiles can help us stay in the positive a little while longer, too. There’s no question disappointment will continue to occur (that’s just part of the natural ebb and flow of life), and when the sadness does come again, having an inventory of what brings us comfort and a heartwarming reason to smile is good to have on hand.Inline image 5 Here are my reasons to smile: Sharing family stories after dinner. It’s rare when all six of us are together for a meal. Next week, on Thanksgiving Day, will be one of those times. More than the food or the football, I’m looking forward to the time when the meal is over and my family lingers at the table sharing family stories. Recalling these times with a mix of off-beat humor and true nostalgia fills our dining room with laughter and brings a thankful smile to everyone in our home. The feeling after a workout. OK, I’m not smiling as I head to the fitness center at 5:00 am. But afterwards, as I’m driving home, it feels good to know I did something that fills me up with confidence and may help me bank a few extra years to keep smiling. A moment of self awareness. Every now and then the dots become connected for me. Something I didn’t see in myself, or realize, is made perfectly clear. These surprising moments of self awareness fill my heart with strength and put a smile of reassurance on my face.Inline image 3 An unexpected email from Mary Beth. When my wife’s email address pops into my inbox, I feel like a fifth grader discovering a love note from the cutest 10-year-old girl on the planet. I feel the smile begin to grow from left ear all the way over to my right ear as I open the email and read her special message. A Venti Starbucks coffee with room. There’s no doubt about it: Starbucks sells community, not coffee. My morning stops offer me the chance to see familiar faces with smiles more robust than the coffee. My reaction to smile back is spontaneous and genuine. Receiving a personal message from someone who read one of my articles. I write for many reasons. One reason is because I want to impact other peoples’ lives in a meaningful way. When I hear from someone who has been touched by the words offered, I can’t hold back my smile because I’m thankful to be living on purpose.Inline image 4 A tied score late in a Kansas City Royals’ baseball game. The Royals haven’t been exactly tearing it up the past few years. On the nights when the score is close and my team has a chance to win, the energy in the stadium is on fire. I love this feeling. It feels like victory is possible regardless of past performance. Hope makes me smile. When my children get back home safe and sound. The other afternoon when my son arrived home, he told me a schoolmate was killed in a car accident earlier in the day. Our conversation made me remember the night s when Mary Beth and I and will be in that state somewhere between sleep and consciousness so we can hear the turn of the doorknob on the front door. Hearing our children arrive home, unharmed and alive, always settles my mind brings a smile of contentment that stays with me until I surrender to sleep. Inline image 2 10 Enduring Ways to Keep Smiling No matter what makes you smile or how you define happiness for yourself, there are certain universal and time-proven strategies to bring more happiness, and smiles, into your life. The following 10 ways to keep smiling can be adapted and even customized to fit your needs. Over time, these strategies will become positive and life-changing habits that will begin to bring more happiness, joy and reasons to smile into your life.Inline image 7 Notice What’s Right. Some of us see the glass as being half-full, while others see the glass as half-empty. The next time you are caught in traffic, begin thinking how nice it is to have a few moments to reflect on the day, focus on a problem you have been trying to solve, or brainstorm on your next big idea. Take all that life throws out you and reframe it with what’s right about the situation. At the end of the day, you will more content, at peace and happy. Take the time to smile and begin to notice what’s right and see the world change in front of your eyes. Be Grateful. How many times do you say the words “thank you,” in a day? How many times do you hear these same words? If you are doing the first thing, saying the “thank yous,” the latter will naturally happen. Learn to be grateful and you will be open to receive an abundance of joy, happiness and smiles – which will be a pleasure to return. Remember the Kid You Were. Do you remember how to play? I’m not referring to playing a round of golf or a set of tennis. I’m talking about playing like you did when you were a child – a game of tag; leap frog, or street baseball when the bat is a broken broom handle and the bases are the parked cars. One way to find a reason to smile is to remember the kid you were and play!Inline image 6 Spend Time with Your Friends. Although an abundant social and romantic life does not guarantee bliss, it does have a huge impact on our happiness. Learn to spend time and smile with your friends and then make these friendships a priority in your life. Savour Every Moment. To be in the moment is to live in the moment. Too often we are thinking ahead or looking ahead to the next event or circumstance in our lives, not appreciating the “here and now.” When we savor every moment, we are savoring the happiness in our lives and finding the reasons right before us to smile. Move! The expression a “runner’s high” does not infer an addiction, but a feeling or a state of mind – a state of euphoria. There is no question exercise, or any physical exertion, elevates your mood and enhances a more positive attitude as well as fosters better personal self-esteem and confidence. Indeed, one way to keep smiling is to move. Put on a Happy Face. Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it. I’m not suggesting that we not be honest, real or authentic, but I’m suggesting, sometimes, we just need to put on our best smile and keep moving forward. Researchers claim that smiling and looking like we are happy will indeed make us happier. Studies further show that if we act like we are happy then we can experience greater joy and happiness in our lives. Finding Your Calling. Some find meaning in religion or spirituality while others find purpose in their work or relationships. Finding your calling may be much more than accomplishing one simple strategy for increasing your happiness, but having a sense of purpose – of feeling like you are here for a reason – may create the best reason of all to smile.Inline image 8 Get into the Flow. Flow is the form of joy, excitement and happiness that occurs when we are so absorbed in an activity we love that we can lose ourselves and time seems to stand still. What creates flow is unique to each one of us. To find and sustain true happiness in our lives, we must get off the sidelines and get into the flow. When we do, the smiles will soon be flowing, too. Don’t Over Do It. Know when to say when. What provides happiness and causes you to smile the first time may not work the second time. Too much of a good thing may begin not to feel as good if the “thing” becomes more of a routine, or an expectation. Set healthy and reasonable boundaries for yourself and don’t overdo it. Share this post! PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD. SHARE THIS POST! Alex Blackwell is the Founder of The BridgeMaker. His book, Saying Yes to Change, is now available through Amazon.

Neuroplasticity, Change the way you tthink

Let's Live Nice
Neuroplasticity Changing our Belief about Change
A dangerous belief in our culture is that we can't change. We've all heard the disempowered statements: "He's just grumpy. He can't change that." or "I will always be anxious. It's the way I was born." While we most certainly have genetic predispositions, the brains of individuals' young and old can change in amazing ways.
Neuroplasticity is a fancy way of saying that our brains can change. We are not victims of our neurons or genes. We are empowered creators of our mental states. The erroneous belief that we are "set in stone" can stop people from trying to change and take away their responsibility. In the same way that germ theory altered the way we look at sanitation and hygiene, I think that spreading the knowledge about our brain's ability to change can alter the way our culture approaches emotions, attitudes, and values.
Our brains can change.
Our brains are made up of billions of neurons. Neurons connect to one another, forming pathways that relay information. We learn things by forming neural connections in response to associations in our everyday experiences1. In learning to drive a car, we experience the connection between red traffic lights and pressing the brake. We form a neural pathway for this association. Each time we brake at a red light, we reinforce and strengthen the neural pathway. As the saying goes, "Neurons that fire together, wire together." The more we practice something, the more we strengthen the pathway, and the easier the skill becomes. Our behavioral response can become almost automatic2. Our brain can also prune old neural pathways to quiet or unlearn associations3. For example, after you move to a different home, you learn the directions to your new place and stop practicing your old path. But in those first few weeks after a move, have you ever found yourself engrossed in another thought and accidentally pulling into the driveway of your old home because your automatic pathway took over? Luckily, by refraining from the old directions and practicing the new way home, you strengthen a new neural pathway and the old neural pathway weakens. It's a good thing our brains can change, or we would still be pulling up to our childhood home. Similar to physical skills like driving, the brain also forms neural pathways in learning and practicing emotional skills. Your emotional responses to experiences in your world are the result of well-worn neural pathways that developed over your lifetime. While our genes influence our temperament, research has demonstrated that our environment and our own mind can physically alter our brains and thus our emotional responses. This means that emotions that we want more of in our life and our world, like happiness, patience, tolerance, compassion, and kindness, can be practiced and learned as skills. Other emotions, like anxiety, stress, fear, or anger, can be dampened3.
Keeping in the car motif, let's talk about an emotional association: traffic and anger. When we get stuck in traffic, an automatic response can be anger or frustration. But, by feeling angry every time we are in traffic, we are strengthening that neural pathway and cementing that emotional response. When there is nothing we can do in that moment but accept the traffic, wouldn't it be great to feel positive emotions instead? We can just observe the negative emotion that we are feeling and try practicing a different emotional response. We can start linking traffic with stillness and peace. This would be difficult at first because we want to let the well-developed neural pathway leading to anger fire, but by inhibiting that pathway, we help unwire those connections and strengthen a different response. As we practice responding with peace, we strengthen a new neural pathway and it becomes easier to choose.
Using neuroimaging, researchers have demonstrated significant success in reducing anxiety, depression, phobia, and stress with cognitive-behavioral therapy or interpersonal psychotherapy. By learning different strategies to recognize negative thoughts and emotions and practice alternative responses over time, neural pathways in the brain are physically altered4. Science has only recently recognized the value of investing in research on behaviors that promote well-being, including compassion and happiness. By comparing the brains of experts and novices in compassion meditation, neuroscientists illustrated changes in the brain region responsible for empathy during and after meditation5. Researchers are just beginning to examine the effect of training novices in skills to increase compassion. While interventions have demonstrated positive impacts on emotional states6,7 and prosocial behaviors7,8, we look to future studies to determine alterations in the structure and function of the brain in novices who undergo contemplative and emotional training. Let's learn and practice compassion, kindness, and happiness. Knowing that our brains can change, we then ask, what do we want in our brains? And as a result, what do we want in our world? Most people of good will yearn for happiness, compassion, and love. Let's start practicing. Gratitude reflections, compassion priming, and meditation interventions are some strategies found to enhance well-being and increase prosocial behavior. Several studies have shown the positive impact of gratitude journals, which involve self-guided listing of what you are thankful for. Individuals who kept a daily gratitude journal reported higher levels of positive emotions, including feeling attentive, determined, energetic, enthusiastic, excited, interested, joyful, and strong, compared to individuals who kept a journal on daily hassles or ways in which one was better off than others (downward social comparison). In addition, individuals who maintained daily gratitude journals were more likely to offer emotional support to others and help someone with a problem7. Contemplative interventions, born from the collaboration of meditation traditions and emotion science, have centered on developing mindfulness to enhance compassion and happiness in the lives of individuals. One recent study provided an 8-week training program in secular meditation to female schoolteachers and measured their responses to stress, conflict, and compassion. The intervention significantly reduced rumination, depression, and anxiety while increasing mindfulness, empathy, compassion, and stabilizing hostility and contempt compared to a control group6. In my experience, learning about the concept of neuroplasticity and finding the skills to change my emotional responses has immensely improved my life. Before grasping this, I thought my mind was a black box. I didn't understand why I felt certain things beyond the immediate external circumstances. I had no idea how to change things. I scoffed at seeing a therapist because I couldn't imagine what they would help me with. I had no idea what I would even say to a therapist. Luckily, the good ones can help you understand your mind and the process of change. You don't even have to know where to start; the decision to change is enough. The practice of meditation gave me the set of skills to guide my own transformation. It has been the most life altering skill that I have gained. I shifted from thinking that my emotion and thoughts owned me to feeling like I could play a role in changing my state. This is challenging work and takes patient practice, but as I am experiencing the fruits of these skills, peaceful relationships, a joyful outlook on life, and a safe harbor within myself during difficult times, I am determined to work even harder.
Neuroscience, positive psychology, and contemplative traditions have given us a roadmap. We know our brains can change based on our environment and our behaviors. What if we started building and reinforcing the neural pathways of love, cooperation, forgiveness, and kindness so that these things became our automatic response? What if we adopted and shared this belief that we can change and took responsibility for our outlook on life? What if we taught children in schools about their ability to reflect on and guide their emotions? What if we started priming those around us in our families and community with our own grateful reflections and kind actions? What if our compassionate actions in schools, families, and communities started shifting our culture? I find these possibilities exhilarating and hopeful. By learning and practicing these positive emotional responses, I think our world can discover a new way home and pull into the driveway of compassion.

Develop a Positive attitude

Heavy rains remind us of challenges in life. Never ask for a lighter rain. Just pray for a better umbrella. That is attitude. When flood comes, fish eat ants & when flood recedes, ants eat fish.Only time matters. Just hold on, God gives opportunity to everyone! Life is not about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship, it's not how we care in the beginning, but how much we care till ending. Some people always throw stones in your path. It depends on you what you make with them, Wall or Bridge? Remember you are the architect of your life. Every problem has (n+1) solutions, where n is the number of solutions that you have tried and 1 is that you have not tried. That's life. Its not important to hold all the good cards in life. But its important how well you play with the cards which you hold. Often when we lose all hope & think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, `Relax dear its just a bend. Not the end'. Have Faith and have a successful life. When you feel sad, to cheer up just go to the mirror and say, `Damn I am really so cute` and you will overcome your sadness. But don't make this a habit coz liars go to hell. One of the basic differences between God and human is, God gives, gives and forgives. But human gets, gets, gets and forgets. Be thankful in life! Only two types of persons are happy in this world. 1st is Mad and 2nd is Child. Be Mad to achieve what you desire and be a Child to enjoy what you have achieved.

Sitting is Killing

This too shall pass

Once a king called upon all of his wise men and asked them, ” Is there a mantra or suggestion which works in every situation, in every circumstances, in every place and in every time. In every joy, every sorrow, every defeat and every victory? One answer for all questions? Something which can help me when none of you is available to advise me? Tell me is there any mantra?” All the wise men were puzzled by the King’s question. They thought and thought. After a lengthy discussion, an old man suggested something which appealed to all of them. They went to the king and gave him something written on paper, with a condition that the king was not to see it out of curiosity. Only in extreme danger, when the King finds himself alone and there seems to be no way, only then he can see it. The King put the papers under his Diamond ring. Some time later, the neighbors attacked the Kingdom. King and his army fought bravely but lost the battle. The King had to flee on his horse. The enemies were following him. getting closer and closer. Suddenly the King found himself standing at the end of the road - that road was not going anywhere. Underneath there was a rocky valley thousand feet deep. If he jumped into it, he would be finished…and he could not return because it was a small road…the sound of enemy’s horses was approaching fast. The King became restless. There seemed to be no way. Then suddenly he saw the Diamond in his ring shining in the sun, and he remembered the message hidden in the ring. He opened the diamond and read the message. The message was - ” THIS TOO SHALL PASS” The King read it . Again read it. Suddenly something struck him- Yes ! This too will pass. Only a few days ago, I was enjoying my kingdom. I was the mightiest of all the Kings. Yet today, the Kingdom and all his pleasure have gone. I am here trying to escape from enemies. Like those days of luxuries have gone, this day of danger too will pass. A calm came on his face. He kept standing there. The place where he was standing was full of natural beauty. He had never known that such a beautiful place was also a part of his Kingdom. The revelation of the message had a great effect on him. He relaxed and forgot about those following him. After a few minutes he realized that the noise of the horses and the enemy coming was receding. They moved into some other part of the mountains and were nowhere near him. The King was very brave. He reorganized his army and fought again. He defeated the enemy and regained his empire. When he returned to his empire after victory, he was received with much fanfare. The whole capital was rejoicing in the victory. Everyone was in a festive mood. Flowers were being showered on King from every house, from every corner. People were dancing and singing. For a moment King said to himself,” I am one of the bravest and greatest King. It is not easy to defeat me. With all the reception and celebration he saw an ego emerging in him. Suddenly the Diamond of his ring flashed in the sunlight and reminded him of the message. He open it and read it again: “THIS TOO SHALL PASS”. He became silent. His face went through a total change - from the egoist he moved to a state of utter humbleness. If this too is going to pass, it is not yours. The defeat was not yours, the victory is not yours. You are just a watcher. Everything passes by. We are witnesses of all this. We are the perceivers. Life comes and goes. Happiness comes and goes. Sorrow comes and goes. Now as you have read this story, just sit silently and evaluate your own life. This too will pass. Think of the moments of joy and victory in your life. Think of the moment of Sorrow and defeat. Are they permanent ? They all come and pass away. Life just passes away. There is nothing permanent in this world. Every thing changes except the law of change. Think over it from your own perspective. You have seen all the changes. You have survived all setbacks, all defeats and all sorrows. All have passed away. The problems in the present, they too will pass away. Because nothing remains forever. Joy and sorrow are the two faces of the same coin. They both will pass away. You are just a witness of change. Experience it, understand it, and enjoy the present moment. ”THIS TOO SHALL PASS”

More couples in 20s and 30s call it quits

More couples in 20s and 30s call it quits
Fri May 25, 2012 1:14 am (PDT)

More couples in 20s and 30s call it quits ....Madhavi Rajadhyaksha Vanishing Stigma Spurs Trend: Counsellors The average age of couples seeking divorce appears to be dropping from 40s and 50s a decade ago to late 20s and early 30s today, say marriage counsellors. The fact that divorce no longer carries a stigma in cities such as Mumbai facilitates the decision of unhappy young couples, say social observers. Flipping through his list of clients, marriage counsellor Sunjoy Mukherji, who practises in Borivli, says nearly 65% of those considering separation or divorce are in the 28 to 32 age group. Often, they have been married for less than a year-some as short as a fortnight-before they consider separating. Formal divorce, though, may take much longer as the law, till now, required a period of separation from six months to 18 months, and actual disposal, longer. There were, after all, 6,908 divorce petitions pending with the family court as of December 31, 2011. "Couples who acknowledge a problematic relationship often want to separate while they have age on their side. Also, since the stigma associated with divorce has reduced, youngsters are less afraid to part ways," says Mukherji. Sociologists also point out that money and independence, factors that shape an individual's decision-making ability, come much earlier today. Counsellors say changing parental attitude, too, helps. "Today, even a girl's parents are very supportive of divorce," says clinical psychologist Seema Hingorany. The presence of parents with their troubled daughters at counsellors' clinics is one of the biggest signs of this change. S Parasuraman, director at the Tata Institute of Social Sciences, concurs and says that youngsters who have a good network often find it easier to transcend from one status to another. Hingorany says it is a telling sign of a generation in a hurry. "Most youngsters live by the belief that life is short. Many are not even willing to go through the counselling marital protocol." Counsellors cite rising expectations, incompatibility, extra-marital affairs, overseas opportunities and clashes over in-laws as major reasons. MUTUAL DIVORCE IN THE CITY * Section 13B of the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, and Section 28 of the Special Marriage Act, 1954, provide for divorce by mutual consent * Legislation allows either party to withdraw their divorce by mutual consent application within six to 18 months of its filing * The Cabinet last week approved the Marriage Laws (Amendment) Bill, 2010, to further amend the Hindu Marriage Act and the Special Marriage Act * It gives individual judges the right to waive or decide the waiting period if both the husband and wife agree URL: http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Default/Scripting/ArticleWin.asp?From=Archive&Source=Page&Skin=TOINEW&BaseHref=TOIM/2012/05/24&PageLabel=7&EntityId=Ar00701&ViewMode=HTML Working women end marriages that don't work....Madhavi Rajadhyaksha Mumbai: "Urban Indian society is showing a welcome maturity towards understanding relationships," says TISS director S Parasuraman. "Such maturity usually comes with education and employment and the independence that both bring," he says. It is the practicality of the legal process that could be driving the trend, says Rajan Bhonsale, marriage counsellor and KEM hospital's head of sexual medicine department. "Mutual consent divorces take place faster and couples are beginning to realize the futility of contesting a divorce if their relationship isn't going to work out anyway." Youngsters today are quick to take decisions and are not bound by tradition to stay in a marriage, he says. Counsellors point out that women who have inde- pendent careers and are professionally successful may be less dependent on the financial support of their partners, which could also contribute to such mutual decisions. The Union cabinet further facilitated the process by approving changes to the Marriage Act and allowing waiver of the waiting period required for divorce under mutual consent, if both the husband and wife wish so. The law till now mandated a six-month cooling period for couples before divorce could be granted. Some women activists, though, fear that quicker divorces may work against women, particularly if it involves custody of children. Marriage counsellor Sunjoy Mukerji says that the increasing availability of marriage counsellors today may be a contributing factor in mitigating the bitterness of relationships gone sour. Mutual divorce, he says, is all about two parties negotiating to reach a consensus. Take the experience of Radhika Pant and Girish Shirodkar, both MBA professionals in their late 20s who were dating since college. They knew each other for over a decade but called off their marriage mutually a year after tying the knot. Radhika, who got a year-long overseas work opportunity, returned from her stint only to discover that she wanted more out of life. As she has great affection and respect for him, she sat through prolonged couple counselling, till they both reached a stage of acceptance. They filed for a mutual divorce last year. (Names of the couple have been changed on request) URL: http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Default/Scripting/ArticleWin.asp?From=Archive&Source=Page&Skin=TOINEW&BaseHref=TOIM/2012/05/24&PageLabel=7&EntityId=Ar00103&DataChunk=Ar00703&ViewMode=HTML

15 things you must give up to be happy

15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel. “By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that. “The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart

5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly! “A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it. “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place. “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real. Inline image 3Inline image 4

13. Give up the past I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path. source: www.purposefairy.com

How to say no without being fired-Wall street journal

Saying “no” is never easy, especially when the person you’re addressing is your boss. An employee is typically confounded by a series of unnerving questions before uttering the word. Is “no” even an option? Will it jeopardize the relationship I share with my boss? Will this cost me my job, or at least some career prospects? “An outright ‘no’ to seniors has long been seen as a taboo in Indian culture,” explains Mukund Menon, who heads the India and Singapore human resources divisions of information technology firm Steria. As a result, employees feel compelled to undertake assigned tasks, when perhaps they may lack the technical expertise for the project, or in the process, compromise on additional responsibilities. The outcome: the team suffers. “Saying no is an art which has to be developed over time,” says Sachin Tikekar, chief of people operations at KPIT Cummins Infosystems Ltd. While human resources experts concur there is no magic formula to getting it right, here are a few tips that could be useful: Take an Informed Decision: Evaluate why you’re refusing a particular project. Is it fear of failure? Lack of adequate training? Or, perhaps, ineffective time-management? “Let your manager know where the ‘no’ is coming from,” says Mr. Tikekar of KPIT Cummins. Unless you spell out your concerns, your seniors won’t address them, he adds. But here’s the catch: approach your manager only after you’ve weighed the pros and cons of the situation yourself. Your decision may backfire if it’s not validated by reasonable facts, Mr. Menon of Steria explains. For instance, you can’t dodge a location transfer citing complacency. Objectively put forward the consequences it could have for your family, or perhaps outline what makes you a valuable asset at your current location, Mr. Menon adds. An informed ‘no,’ always scores over an impulsive decision, agrees M.S. Venkatesh, human resources head at education solutions provider Educomp Solutions Ltd. Play Smart with Words: You’ve identified what’s making you balk. What next? A thoughtful and carefully worded response, say experts. While approaching your boss, “the word ‘no’ should not be used at all,” says Ravi Dasgupta, group head of human resources at biopharmaceutical firm Biocon Ltd. Thiruvengadam P, senior director of Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu India Pvt. Ltd. agrees. “No is a very strong weapon which should be used as rarely as possible,” he argues. Wording your response is key…. Be assertive without being rude.” For instance, if you’re swamped with three projects and allotted a fourth, how do you effectively refuse? If time is a factor, respond by saying: “I don’t think I’ll be able to do justice in the limited time-frame available for the project,” Mr. Thiruvengadam explains. On the other hand, if an employee feels he lacks technical expertise for an assigned task, he could respond saying: “I may just belittle the team’s output by contributing to it.” Words like “I request you to please consider,” or “do you believe we could” can also work a charm, particularly with seniors who are less receptive to taking ‘no’ for an answer, Mr. Thiruvengadam suggests. But playing with the right words is not enough: make your body language work to your advantage. “You may have used all the right words but if you’re slouching on your desk while delivering them, it won’t work,” cautions Mr. Thiruvengadam. Float Alternatives: Some experts outline another approach: don’t disagree with your manager. Instead, propose an alternative. The key, however, lies in an employee’s ability to “influence” his manager, argues Mr. Venkatesh of Educomp. “Understand what sells for your boss and mold your alternative around it….make him see how your proposal is best for the team.” For instance, if you don’t see eye-to-eye with your manager’s marketing model, float proposals which are more cost-effective or can potentially capture a larger market segment. By doing so, you “present a counterview without making it sound like one,” notes Mr. Dasgupta of Biocon. Further, you earn Brownie points for brainstorming, he adds. Now let’s put the shoe on the other foot. If an employee has graciously refused a task, how can a manager effectively tackle the situation? Know your team: Don’t fret over a ‘no,’ say human resources experts. Instead, picture yourself in an employee’s shoes and identify the root cause behind the reluctance. “Most managers don’t spend quality time with their subordinates,” says Mr. Thiruvengadam of Deloitte. “That’s where they lose out,” he adds. Mr. Dasgupta of Biocon agrees. Rather than imposing ideas on your team, invite them to chalk out their tasks and responsibilities, he explains. By doing so, a manager can gauge inclinations and interests shared by each team member and thereby effectively delegate responsibilities in the future. Use ‘No’ to Your Advantage: A smart manager views “no” as an opportunity to “coach, mentor and train” his employees, notes Mr. Tikekar of KPIT Cummins. Rather than seeing ‘no’ as an end, perceive it as a means to work on your subordinate’s weakness, he adds. Do you have ideas of how best to say no to your boss? Please leave them in the Comments.