Keep smiling

10 ENDURING WAYS TO KEEP SMILING By Alex Blackwell If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. –Andy Rooney. It doesn't take a lot of effort to smile, it only takes one reason. Our lives can be stressful and complicated at times, but that doesn’t mean laughter, happiness and serving up a warm, beautiful smile can’t fill the gaps in between. Perhaps if we can think of more reasons to smile, the gaps might become further apart and the energy our smiles provide will have a better chance of sustaining our efforts to look for the positive that exists around us. Maybe, our smiles can help us stay in the positive a little while longer, too. There’s no question disappointment will continue to occur (that’s just part of the natural ebb and flow of life), and when the sadness does come again, having an inventory of what brings us comfort and a heartwarming reason to smile is good to have on hand.Inline image 5 Here are my reasons to smile: Sharing family stories after dinner. It’s rare when all six of us are together for a meal. Next week, on Thanksgiving Day, will be one of those times. More than the food or the football, I’m looking forward to the time when the meal is over and my family lingers at the table sharing family stories. Recalling these times with a mix of off-beat humor and true nostalgia fills our dining room with laughter and brings a thankful smile to everyone in our home. The feeling after a workout. OK, I’m not smiling as I head to the fitness center at 5:00 am. But afterwards, as I’m driving home, it feels good to know I did something that fills me up with confidence and may help me bank a few extra years to keep smiling. A moment of self awareness. Every now and then the dots become connected for me. Something I didn’t see in myself, or realize, is made perfectly clear. These surprising moments of self awareness fill my heart with strength and put a smile of reassurance on my face.Inline image 3 An unexpected email from Mary Beth. When my wife’s email address pops into my inbox, I feel like a fifth grader discovering a love note from the cutest 10-year-old girl on the planet. I feel the smile begin to grow from left ear all the way over to my right ear as I open the email and read her special message. A Venti Starbucks coffee with room. There’s no doubt about it: Starbucks sells community, not coffee. My morning stops offer me the chance to see familiar faces with smiles more robust than the coffee. My reaction to smile back is spontaneous and genuine. Receiving a personal message from someone who read one of my articles. I write for many reasons. One reason is because I want to impact other peoples’ lives in a meaningful way. When I hear from someone who has been touched by the words offered, I can’t hold back my smile because I’m thankful to be living on purpose.Inline image 4 A tied score late in a Kansas City Royals’ baseball game. The Royals haven’t been exactly tearing it up the past few years. On the nights when the score is close and my team has a chance to win, the energy in the stadium is on fire. I love this feeling. It feels like victory is possible regardless of past performance. Hope makes me smile. When my children get back home safe and sound. The other afternoon when my son arrived home, he told me a schoolmate was killed in a car accident earlier in the day. Our conversation made me remember the night s when Mary Beth and I and will be in that state somewhere between sleep and consciousness so we can hear the turn of the doorknob on the front door. Hearing our children arrive home, unharmed and alive, always settles my mind brings a smile of contentment that stays with me until I surrender to sleep. Inline image 2 10 Enduring Ways to Keep Smiling No matter what makes you smile or how you define happiness for yourself, there are certain universal and time-proven strategies to bring more happiness, and smiles, into your life. The following 10 ways to keep smiling can be adapted and even customized to fit your needs. Over time, these strategies will become positive and life-changing habits that will begin to bring more happiness, joy and reasons to smile into your life.Inline image 7 Notice What’s Right. Some of us see the glass as being half-full, while others see the glass as half-empty. The next time you are caught in traffic, begin thinking how nice it is to have a few moments to reflect on the day, focus on a problem you have been trying to solve, or brainstorm on your next big idea. Take all that life throws out you and reframe it with what’s right about the situation. At the end of the day, you will more content, at peace and happy. Take the time to smile and begin to notice what’s right and see the world change in front of your eyes. Be Grateful. How many times do you say the words “thank you,” in a day? How many times do you hear these same words? If you are doing the first thing, saying the “thank yous,” the latter will naturally happen. Learn to be grateful and you will be open to receive an abundance of joy, happiness and smiles – which will be a pleasure to return. Remember the Kid You Were. Do you remember how to play? I’m not referring to playing a round of golf or a set of tennis. I’m talking about playing like you did when you were a child – a game of tag; leap frog, or street baseball when the bat is a broken broom handle and the bases are the parked cars. One way to find a reason to smile is to remember the kid you were and play!Inline image 6 Spend Time with Your Friends. Although an abundant social and romantic life does not guarantee bliss, it does have a huge impact on our happiness. Learn to spend time and smile with your friends and then make these friendships a priority in your life. Savour Every Moment. To be in the moment is to live in the moment. Too often we are thinking ahead or looking ahead to the next event or circumstance in our lives, not appreciating the “here and now.” When we savor every moment, we are savoring the happiness in our lives and finding the reasons right before us to smile. Move! The expression a “runner’s high” does not infer an addiction, but a feeling or a state of mind – a state of euphoria. There is no question exercise, or any physical exertion, elevates your mood and enhances a more positive attitude as well as fosters better personal self-esteem and confidence. Indeed, one way to keep smiling is to move. Put on a Happy Face. Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it. I’m not suggesting that we not be honest, real or authentic, but I’m suggesting, sometimes, we just need to put on our best smile and keep moving forward. Researchers claim that smiling and looking like we are happy will indeed make us happier. Studies further show that if we act like we are happy then we can experience greater joy and happiness in our lives. Finding Your Calling. Some find meaning in religion or spirituality while others find purpose in their work or relationships. Finding your calling may be much more than accomplishing one simple strategy for increasing your happiness, but having a sense of purpose – of feeling like you are here for a reason – may create the best reason of all to smile.Inline image 8 Get into the Flow. Flow is the form of joy, excitement and happiness that occurs when we are so absorbed in an activity we love that we can lose ourselves and time seems to stand still. What creates flow is unique to each one of us. To find and sustain true happiness in our lives, we must get off the sidelines and get into the flow. When we do, the smiles will soon be flowing, too. Don’t Over Do It. Know when to say when. What provides happiness and causes you to smile the first time may not work the second time. Too much of a good thing may begin not to feel as good if the “thing” becomes more of a routine, or an expectation. Set healthy and reasonable boundaries for yourself and don’t overdo it. Share this post! PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD. SHARE THIS POST! Alex Blackwell is the Founder of The BridgeMaker. His book, Saying Yes to Change, is now available through Amazon.

Neuroplasticity, Change the way you tthink

Let's Live Nice
Neuroplasticity Changing our Belief about Change
A dangerous belief in our culture is that we can't change. We've all heard the disempowered statements: "He's just grumpy. He can't change that." or "I will always be anxious. It's the way I was born." While we most certainly have genetic predispositions, the brains of individuals' young and old can change in amazing ways.
Neuroplasticity is a fancy way of saying that our brains can change. We are not victims of our neurons or genes. We are empowered creators of our mental states. The erroneous belief that we are "set in stone" can stop people from trying to change and take away their responsibility. In the same way that germ theory altered the way we look at sanitation and hygiene, I think that spreading the knowledge about our brain's ability to change can alter the way our culture approaches emotions, attitudes, and values.
Our brains can change.
Our brains are made up of billions of neurons. Neurons connect to one another, forming pathways that relay information. We learn things by forming neural connections in response to associations in our everyday experiences1. In learning to drive a car, we experience the connection between red traffic lights and pressing the brake. We form a neural pathway for this association. Each time we brake at a red light, we reinforce and strengthen the neural pathway. As the saying goes, "Neurons that fire together, wire together." The more we practice something, the more we strengthen the pathway, and the easier the skill becomes. Our behavioral response can become almost automatic2. Our brain can also prune old neural pathways to quiet or unlearn associations3. For example, after you move to a different home, you learn the directions to your new place and stop practicing your old path. But in those first few weeks after a move, have you ever found yourself engrossed in another thought and accidentally pulling into the driveway of your old home because your automatic pathway took over? Luckily, by refraining from the old directions and practicing the new way home, you strengthen a new neural pathway and the old neural pathway weakens. It's a good thing our brains can change, or we would still be pulling up to our childhood home. Similar to physical skills like driving, the brain also forms neural pathways in learning and practicing emotional skills. Your emotional responses to experiences in your world are the result of well-worn neural pathways that developed over your lifetime. While our genes influence our temperament, research has demonstrated that our environment and our own mind can physically alter our brains and thus our emotional responses. This means that emotions that we want more of in our life and our world, like happiness, patience, tolerance, compassion, and kindness, can be practiced and learned as skills. Other emotions, like anxiety, stress, fear, or anger, can be dampened3.
Keeping in the car motif, let's talk about an emotional association: traffic and anger. When we get stuck in traffic, an automatic response can be anger or frustration. But, by feeling angry every time we are in traffic, we are strengthening that neural pathway and cementing that emotional response. When there is nothing we can do in that moment but accept the traffic, wouldn't it be great to feel positive emotions instead? We can just observe the negative emotion that we are feeling and try practicing a different emotional response. We can start linking traffic with stillness and peace. This would be difficult at first because we want to let the well-developed neural pathway leading to anger fire, but by inhibiting that pathway, we help unwire those connections and strengthen a different response. As we practice responding with peace, we strengthen a new neural pathway and it becomes easier to choose.
Using neuroimaging, researchers have demonstrated significant success in reducing anxiety, depression, phobia, and stress with cognitive-behavioral therapy or interpersonal psychotherapy. By learning different strategies to recognize negative thoughts and emotions and practice alternative responses over time, neural pathways in the brain are physically altered4. Science has only recently recognized the value of investing in research on behaviors that promote well-being, including compassion and happiness. By comparing the brains of experts and novices in compassion meditation, neuroscientists illustrated changes in the brain region responsible for empathy during and after meditation5. Researchers are just beginning to examine the effect of training novices in skills to increase compassion. While interventions have demonstrated positive impacts on emotional states6,7 and prosocial behaviors7,8, we look to future studies to determine alterations in the structure and function of the brain in novices who undergo contemplative and emotional training. Let's learn and practice compassion, kindness, and happiness. Knowing that our brains can change, we then ask, what do we want in our brains? And as a result, what do we want in our world? Most people of good will yearn for happiness, compassion, and love. Let's start practicing. Gratitude reflections, compassion priming, and meditation interventions are some strategies found to enhance well-being and increase prosocial behavior. Several studies have shown the positive impact of gratitude journals, which involve self-guided listing of what you are thankful for. Individuals who kept a daily gratitude journal reported higher levels of positive emotions, including feeling attentive, determined, energetic, enthusiastic, excited, interested, joyful, and strong, compared to individuals who kept a journal on daily hassles or ways in which one was better off than others (downward social comparison). In addition, individuals who maintained daily gratitude journals were more likely to offer emotional support to others and help someone with a problem7. Contemplative interventions, born from the collaboration of meditation traditions and emotion science, have centered on developing mindfulness to enhance compassion and happiness in the lives of individuals. One recent study provided an 8-week training program in secular meditation to female schoolteachers and measured their responses to stress, conflict, and compassion. The intervention significantly reduced rumination, depression, and anxiety while increasing mindfulness, empathy, compassion, and stabilizing hostility and contempt compared to a control group6. In my experience, learning about the concept of neuroplasticity and finding the skills to change my emotional responses has immensely improved my life. Before grasping this, I thought my mind was a black box. I didn't understand why I felt certain things beyond the immediate external circumstances. I had no idea how to change things. I scoffed at seeing a therapist because I couldn't imagine what they would help me with. I had no idea what I would even say to a therapist. Luckily, the good ones can help you understand your mind and the process of change. You don't even have to know where to start; the decision to change is enough. The practice of meditation gave me the set of skills to guide my own transformation. It has been the most life altering skill that I have gained. I shifted from thinking that my emotion and thoughts owned me to feeling like I could play a role in changing my state. This is challenging work and takes patient practice, but as I am experiencing the fruits of these skills, peaceful relationships, a joyful outlook on life, and a safe harbor within myself during difficult times, I am determined to work even harder.
Neuroscience, positive psychology, and contemplative traditions have given us a roadmap. We know our brains can change based on our environment and our behaviors. What if we started building and reinforcing the neural pathways of love, cooperation, forgiveness, and kindness so that these things became our automatic response? What if we adopted and shared this belief that we can change and took responsibility for our outlook on life? What if we taught children in schools about their ability to reflect on and guide their emotions? What if we started priming those around us in our families and community with our own grateful reflections and kind actions? What if our compassionate actions in schools, families, and communities started shifting our culture? I find these possibilities exhilarating and hopeful. By learning and practicing these positive emotional responses, I think our world can discover a new way home and pull into the driveway of compassion.

Develop a Positive attitude

Heavy rains remind us of challenges in life. Never ask for a lighter rain. Just pray for a better umbrella. That is attitude. When flood comes, fish eat ants & when flood recedes, ants eat fish.Only time matters. Just hold on, God gives opportunity to everyone! Life is not about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship, it's not how we care in the beginning, but how much we care till ending. Some people always throw stones in your path. It depends on you what you make with them, Wall or Bridge? Remember you are the architect of your life. Every problem has (n+1) solutions, where n is the number of solutions that you have tried and 1 is that you have not tried. That's life. Its not important to hold all the good cards in life. But its important how well you play with the cards which you hold. Often when we lose all hope & think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, `Relax dear its just a bend. Not the end'. Have Faith and have a successful life. When you feel sad, to cheer up just go to the mirror and say, `Damn I am really so cute` and you will overcome your sadness. But don't make this a habit coz liars go to hell. One of the basic differences between God and human is, God gives, gives and forgives. But human gets, gets, gets and forgets. Be thankful in life! Only two types of persons are happy in this world. 1st is Mad and 2nd is Child. Be Mad to achieve what you desire and be a Child to enjoy what you have achieved.

Sitting is Killing

This too shall pass

Once a king called upon all of his wise men and asked them, ” Is there a mantra or suggestion which works in every situation, in every circumstances, in every place and in every time. In every joy, every sorrow, every defeat and every victory? One answer for all questions? Something which can help me when none of you is available to advise me? Tell me is there any mantra?” All the wise men were puzzled by the King’s question. They thought and thought. After a lengthy discussion, an old man suggested something which appealed to all of them. They went to the king and gave him something written on paper, with a condition that the king was not to see it out of curiosity. Only in extreme danger, when the King finds himself alone and there seems to be no way, only then he can see it. The King put the papers under his Diamond ring. Some time later, the neighbors attacked the Kingdom. King and his army fought bravely but lost the battle. The King had to flee on his horse. The enemies were following him. getting closer and closer. Suddenly the King found himself standing at the end of the road - that road was not going anywhere. Underneath there was a rocky valley thousand feet deep. If he jumped into it, he would be finished…and he could not return because it was a small road…the sound of enemy’s horses was approaching fast. The King became restless. There seemed to be no way. Then suddenly he saw the Diamond in his ring shining in the sun, and he remembered the message hidden in the ring. He opened the diamond and read the message. The message was - ” THIS TOO SHALL PASS” The King read it . Again read it. Suddenly something struck him- Yes ! This too will pass. Only a few days ago, I was enjoying my kingdom. I was the mightiest of all the Kings. Yet today, the Kingdom and all his pleasure have gone. I am here trying to escape from enemies. Like those days of luxuries have gone, this day of danger too will pass. A calm came on his face. He kept standing there. The place where he was standing was full of natural beauty. He had never known that such a beautiful place was also a part of his Kingdom. The revelation of the message had a great effect on him. He relaxed and forgot about those following him. After a few minutes he realized that the noise of the horses and the enemy coming was receding. They moved into some other part of the mountains and were nowhere near him. The King was very brave. He reorganized his army and fought again. He defeated the enemy and regained his empire. When he returned to his empire after victory, he was received with much fanfare. The whole capital was rejoicing in the victory. Everyone was in a festive mood. Flowers were being showered on King from every house, from every corner. People were dancing and singing. For a moment King said to himself,” I am one of the bravest and greatest King. It is not easy to defeat me. With all the reception and celebration he saw an ego emerging in him. Suddenly the Diamond of his ring flashed in the sunlight and reminded him of the message. He open it and read it again: “THIS TOO SHALL PASS”. He became silent. His face went through a total change - from the egoist he moved to a state of utter humbleness. If this too is going to pass, it is not yours. The defeat was not yours, the victory is not yours. You are just a watcher. Everything passes by. We are witnesses of all this. We are the perceivers. Life comes and goes. Happiness comes and goes. Sorrow comes and goes. Now as you have read this story, just sit silently and evaluate your own life. This too will pass. Think of the moments of joy and victory in your life. Think of the moment of Sorrow and defeat. Are they permanent ? They all come and pass away. Life just passes away. There is nothing permanent in this world. Every thing changes except the law of change. Think over it from your own perspective. You have seen all the changes. You have survived all setbacks, all defeats and all sorrows. All have passed away. The problems in the present, they too will pass away. Because nothing remains forever. Joy and sorrow are the two faces of the same coin. They both will pass away. You are just a witness of change. Experience it, understand it, and enjoy the present moment. ”THIS TOO SHALL PASS”

More couples in 20s and 30s call it quits

More couples in 20s and 30s call it quits
Fri May 25, 2012 1:14 am (PDT)

More couples in 20s and 30s call it quits ....Madhavi Rajadhyaksha Vanishing Stigma Spurs Trend: Counsellors The average age of couples seeking divorce appears to be dropping from 40s and 50s a decade ago to late 20s and early 30s today, say marriage counsellors. The fact that divorce no longer carries a stigma in cities such as Mumbai facilitates the decision of unhappy young couples, say social observers. Flipping through his list of clients, marriage counsellor Sunjoy Mukherji, who practises in Borivli, says nearly 65% of those considering separation or divorce are in the 28 to 32 age group. Often, they have been married for less than a year-some as short as a fortnight-before they consider separating. Formal divorce, though, may take much longer as the law, till now, required a period of separation from six months to 18 months, and actual disposal, longer. There were, after all, 6,908 divorce petitions pending with the family court as of December 31, 2011. "Couples who acknowledge a problematic relationship often want to separate while they have age on their side. Also, since the stigma associated with divorce has reduced, youngsters are less afraid to part ways," says Mukherji. Sociologists also point out that money and independence, factors that shape an individual's decision-making ability, come much earlier today. Counsellors say changing parental attitude, too, helps. "Today, even a girl's parents are very supportive of divorce," says clinical psychologist Seema Hingorany. The presence of parents with their troubled daughters at counsellors' clinics is one of the biggest signs of this change. S Parasuraman, director at the Tata Institute of Social Sciences, concurs and says that youngsters who have a good network often find it easier to transcend from one status to another. Hingorany says it is a telling sign of a generation in a hurry. "Most youngsters live by the belief that life is short. Many are not even willing to go through the counselling marital protocol." Counsellors cite rising expectations, incompatibility, extra-marital affairs, overseas opportunities and clashes over in-laws as major reasons. MUTUAL DIVORCE IN THE CITY * Section 13B of the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, and Section 28 of the Special Marriage Act, 1954, provide for divorce by mutual consent * Legislation allows either party to withdraw their divorce by mutual consent application within six to 18 months of its filing * The Cabinet last week approved the Marriage Laws (Amendment) Bill, 2010, to further amend the Hindu Marriage Act and the Special Marriage Act * It gives individual judges the right to waive or decide the waiting period if both the husband and wife agree URL: http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Default/Scripting/ArticleWin.asp?From=Archive&Source=Page&Skin=TOINEW&BaseHref=TOIM/2012/05/24&PageLabel=7&EntityId=Ar00701&ViewMode=HTML Working women end marriages that don't work....Madhavi Rajadhyaksha Mumbai: "Urban Indian society is showing a welcome maturity towards understanding relationships," says TISS director S Parasuraman. "Such maturity usually comes with education and employment and the independence that both bring," he says. It is the practicality of the legal process that could be driving the trend, says Rajan Bhonsale, marriage counsellor and KEM hospital's head of sexual medicine department. "Mutual consent divorces take place faster and couples are beginning to realize the futility of contesting a divorce if their relationship isn't going to work out anyway." Youngsters today are quick to take decisions and are not bound by tradition to stay in a marriage, he says. Counsellors point out that women who have inde- pendent careers and are professionally successful may be less dependent on the financial support of their partners, which could also contribute to such mutual decisions. The Union cabinet further facilitated the process by approving changes to the Marriage Act and allowing waiver of the waiting period required for divorce under mutual consent, if both the husband and wife wish so. The law till now mandated a six-month cooling period for couples before divorce could be granted. Some women activists, though, fear that quicker divorces may work against women, particularly if it involves custody of children. Marriage counsellor Sunjoy Mukerji says that the increasing availability of marriage counsellors today may be a contributing factor in mitigating the bitterness of relationships gone sour. Mutual divorce, he says, is all about two parties negotiating to reach a consensus. Take the experience of Radhika Pant and Girish Shirodkar, both MBA professionals in their late 20s who were dating since college. They knew each other for over a decade but called off their marriage mutually a year after tying the knot. Radhika, who got a year-long overseas work opportunity, returned from her stint only to discover that she wanted more out of life. As she has great affection and respect for him, she sat through prolonged couple counselling, till they both reached a stage of acceptance. They filed for a mutual divorce last year. (Names of the couple have been changed on request) URL: http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Default/Scripting/ArticleWin.asp?From=Archive&Source=Page&Skin=TOINEW&BaseHref=TOIM/2012/05/24&PageLabel=7&EntityId=Ar00103&DataChunk=Ar00703&ViewMode=HTML