More couples in 20s and 30s call it quits

More couples in 20s and 30s call it quits
Fri May 25, 2012 1:14 am (PDT)

More couples in 20s and 30s call it quits ....Madhavi Rajadhyaksha Vanishing Stigma Spurs Trend: Counsellors The average age of couples seeking divorce appears to be dropping from 40s and 50s a decade ago to late 20s and early 30s today, say marriage counsellors. The fact that divorce no longer carries a stigma in cities such as Mumbai facilitates the decision of unhappy young couples, say social observers. Flipping through his list of clients, marriage counsellor Sunjoy Mukherji, who practises in Borivli, says nearly 65% of those considering separation or divorce are in the 28 to 32 age group. Often, they have been married for less than a year-some as short as a fortnight-before they consider separating. Formal divorce, though, may take much longer as the law, till now, required a period of separation from six months to 18 months, and actual disposal, longer. There were, after all, 6,908 divorce petitions pending with the family court as of December 31, 2011. "Couples who acknowledge a problematic relationship often want to separate while they have age on their side. Also, since the stigma associated with divorce has reduced, youngsters are less afraid to part ways," says Mukherji. Sociologists also point out that money and independence, factors that shape an individual's decision-making ability, come much earlier today. Counsellors say changing parental attitude, too, helps. "Today, even a girl's parents are very supportive of divorce," says clinical psychologist Seema Hingorany. The presence of parents with their troubled daughters at counsellors' clinics is one of the biggest signs of this change. S Parasuraman, director at the Tata Institute of Social Sciences, concurs and says that youngsters who have a good network often find it easier to transcend from one status to another. Hingorany says it is a telling sign of a generation in a hurry. "Most youngsters live by the belief that life is short. Many are not even willing to go through the counselling marital protocol." Counsellors cite rising expectations, incompatibility, extra-marital affairs, overseas opportunities and clashes over in-laws as major reasons. MUTUAL DIVORCE IN THE CITY * Section 13B of the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, and Section 28 of the Special Marriage Act, 1954, provide for divorce by mutual consent * Legislation allows either party to withdraw their divorce by mutual consent application within six to 18 months of its filing * The Cabinet last week approved the Marriage Laws (Amendment) Bill, 2010, to further amend the Hindu Marriage Act and the Special Marriage Act * It gives individual judges the right to waive or decide the waiting period if both the husband and wife agree URL: http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Default/Scripting/ArticleWin.asp?From=Archive&Source=Page&Skin=TOINEW&BaseHref=TOIM/2012/05/24&PageLabel=7&EntityId=Ar00701&ViewMode=HTML Working women end marriages that don't work....Madhavi Rajadhyaksha Mumbai: "Urban Indian society is showing a welcome maturity towards understanding relationships," says TISS director S Parasuraman. "Such maturity usually comes with education and employment and the independence that both bring," he says. It is the practicality of the legal process that could be driving the trend, says Rajan Bhonsale, marriage counsellor and KEM hospital's head of sexual medicine department. "Mutual consent divorces take place faster and couples are beginning to realize the futility of contesting a divorce if their relationship isn't going to work out anyway." Youngsters today are quick to take decisions and are not bound by tradition to stay in a marriage, he says. Counsellors point out that women who have inde- pendent careers and are professionally successful may be less dependent on the financial support of their partners, which could also contribute to such mutual decisions. The Union cabinet further facilitated the process by approving changes to the Marriage Act and allowing waiver of the waiting period required for divorce under mutual consent, if both the husband and wife wish so. The law till now mandated a six-month cooling period for couples before divorce could be granted. Some women activists, though, fear that quicker divorces may work against women, particularly if it involves custody of children. Marriage counsellor Sunjoy Mukerji says that the increasing availability of marriage counsellors today may be a contributing factor in mitigating the bitterness of relationships gone sour. Mutual divorce, he says, is all about two parties negotiating to reach a consensus. Take the experience of Radhika Pant and Girish Shirodkar, both MBA professionals in their late 20s who were dating since college. They knew each other for over a decade but called off their marriage mutually a year after tying the knot. Radhika, who got a year-long overseas work opportunity, returned from her stint only to discover that she wanted more out of life. As she has great affection and respect for him, she sat through prolonged couple counselling, till they both reached a stage of acceptance. They filed for a mutual divorce last year. (Names of the couple have been changed on request) URL: http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Default/Scripting/ArticleWin.asp?From=Archive&Source=Page&Skin=TOINEW&BaseHref=TOIM/2012/05/24&PageLabel=7&EntityId=Ar00103&DataChunk=Ar00703&ViewMode=HTML