15 things you must give up to be happy

15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel. “By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that. “The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart

5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly! “A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it. “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place. “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real. Inline image 3Inline image 4

13. Give up the past I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path. source: www.purposefairy.com

How to say no without being fired-Wall street journal

Saying “no” is never easy, especially when the person you’re addressing is your boss. An employee is typically confounded by a series of unnerving questions before uttering the word. Is “no” even an option? Will it jeopardize the relationship I share with my boss? Will this cost me my job, or at least some career prospects? “An outright ‘no’ to seniors has long been seen as a taboo in Indian culture,” explains Mukund Menon, who heads the India and Singapore human resources divisions of information technology firm Steria. As a result, employees feel compelled to undertake assigned tasks, when perhaps they may lack the technical expertise for the project, or in the process, compromise on additional responsibilities. The outcome: the team suffers. “Saying no is an art which has to be developed over time,” says Sachin Tikekar, chief of people operations at KPIT Cummins Infosystems Ltd. While human resources experts concur there is no magic formula to getting it right, here are a few tips that could be useful: Take an Informed Decision: Evaluate why you’re refusing a particular project. Is it fear of failure? Lack of adequate training? Or, perhaps, ineffective time-management? “Let your manager know where the ‘no’ is coming from,” says Mr. Tikekar of KPIT Cummins. Unless you spell out your concerns, your seniors won’t address them, he adds. But here’s the catch: approach your manager only after you’ve weighed the pros and cons of the situation yourself. Your decision may backfire if it’s not validated by reasonable facts, Mr. Menon of Steria explains. For instance, you can’t dodge a location transfer citing complacency. Objectively put forward the consequences it could have for your family, or perhaps outline what makes you a valuable asset at your current location, Mr. Menon adds. An informed ‘no,’ always scores over an impulsive decision, agrees M.S. Venkatesh, human resources head at education solutions provider Educomp Solutions Ltd. Play Smart with Words: You’ve identified what’s making you balk. What next? A thoughtful and carefully worded response, say experts. While approaching your boss, “the word ‘no’ should not be used at all,” says Ravi Dasgupta, group head of human resources at biopharmaceutical firm Biocon Ltd. Thiruvengadam P, senior director of Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu India Pvt. Ltd. agrees. “No is a very strong weapon which should be used as rarely as possible,” he argues. Wording your response is key…. Be assertive without being rude.” For instance, if you’re swamped with three projects and allotted a fourth, how do you effectively refuse? If time is a factor, respond by saying: “I don’t think I’ll be able to do justice in the limited time-frame available for the project,” Mr. Thiruvengadam explains. On the other hand, if an employee feels he lacks technical expertise for an assigned task, he could respond saying: “I may just belittle the team’s output by contributing to it.” Words like “I request you to please consider,” or “do you believe we could” can also work a charm, particularly with seniors who are less receptive to taking ‘no’ for an answer, Mr. Thiruvengadam suggests. But playing with the right words is not enough: make your body language work to your advantage. “You may have used all the right words but if you’re slouching on your desk while delivering them, it won’t work,” cautions Mr. Thiruvengadam. Float Alternatives: Some experts outline another approach: don’t disagree with your manager. Instead, propose an alternative. The key, however, lies in an employee’s ability to “influence” his manager, argues Mr. Venkatesh of Educomp. “Understand what sells for your boss and mold your alternative around it….make him see how your proposal is best for the team.” For instance, if you don’t see eye-to-eye with your manager’s marketing model, float proposals which are more cost-effective or can potentially capture a larger market segment. By doing so, you “present a counterview without making it sound like one,” notes Mr. Dasgupta of Biocon. Further, you earn Brownie points for brainstorming, he adds. Now let’s put the shoe on the other foot. If an employee has graciously refused a task, how can a manager effectively tackle the situation? Know your team: Don’t fret over a ‘no,’ say human resources experts. Instead, picture yourself in an employee’s shoes and identify the root cause behind the reluctance. “Most managers don’t spend quality time with their subordinates,” says Mr. Thiruvengadam of Deloitte. “That’s where they lose out,” he adds. Mr. Dasgupta of Biocon agrees. Rather than imposing ideas on your team, invite them to chalk out their tasks and responsibilities, he explains. By doing so, a manager can gauge inclinations and interests shared by each team member and thereby effectively delegate responsibilities in the future. Use ‘No’ to Your Advantage: A smart manager views “no” as an opportunity to “coach, mentor and train” his employees, notes Mr. Tikekar of KPIT Cummins. Rather than seeing ‘no’ as an end, perceive it as a means to work on your subordinate’s weakness, he adds. Do you have ideas of how best to say no to your boss? Please leave them in the Comments.

Walk to stimulate all your body's organs

Keep Walking footchart.jpg picture by arti810
Keep Walking.....
The Organs of your body have their sensory touches at the bottom of your foot, if you massage these points you will find relief from aches and pains as you can see the heart is on the left foot. Typically they are shown as points and arrows to show which organ it connects to. It is indeed correct since the nerves connected to these organs terminate here. This is covered in great details in Acupressure studies God created our body so well that he thought of even this. He made us walk so that we will always be pressing these pressure points and thus keeping these organs activated at all times. So, keep walking..

An 8 year old's idea of GOD...likely to put us all to shame

This is beautiful 8 YR OLD'S EXPLANATION OF GOD I certainly don't think an adult could explain this more beautifully! It was written by an 8-year-old named Danny Dutton, who lives in Chula Vista, CA. He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to 'explain God.' I wonder if any of us could have done as well? (And he had such an assignment, in California, and someone published it, I guess miracles do happen!) EXPLANATION OF GOD: 'One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.' 'God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people,like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.' 'God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.' 'Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.' 'Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God.They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him. But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.' 'His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.' 'You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.' 'You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God!' 'Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.' 'If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.' 'But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases. And...that's why I believe in God.'

Cultivate a healthy approach to life-feed the right wolf

Creating Your Best Life by Feeding the Right Wolf by Jonathan Heywood__________________________________________________ An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority; and the other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.” The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one we feed.” The simplicity and truth of this advice almost took my breath away. And it started me thinking about how I could pay more attention to feeding the right wolf. After all, you can’t just set out a bowl of food and hope the good wolf eats and the bad one stays away. have to have a plan. How to Stop Feeding the Wrong Wolf In order to minimize the part of your day spent feeding your negative emotions, try these simple tips: Anger & Resentment When you feel these emotions bearing down on you, count to ten. Backwards. In another language. The more complicated the better, because it will take you even longer and you’ll have more time to get a leash on your anger. Take five deep breaths (not so deep you inhale the dust bunnies though!). As you exhale, anger loping off down the hill, never to return again. Practice “distraction theory.” Every time you feel yourself about to let your anger get the better of you, distract yourself with something silly, like blowing bubbles, honking a bicycle horn, or imagining yourself as Little Red Riding Hood. Little eruptions of anger will usually pass by if you don’t pay them any attention. Go for a walk. Walking away gives you physical distance from your emotions, as well as providing you time to cool off. Just be sure to leave some breadcrumbs behind if you need a long hike! If you feel slighted by someone, rather than building up resentment, compliment that person sincerely on something you admire about them. You’ll feel better about yourself and perhaps she’ll act more humanely towards you the next time. Envy & Self Pity Next time you feel the green-eyed beast raring its ugly head, make a list of ten things have in your life that you’re really thankful for. Start with your pack (family & friends!) If that isn’t enough to stop your envy, try making a list of the disadvantages of possessing the thing you’re longing for. For example, that new car your neighbour just drove home means higher monthly bills for insurance, more money for gas, constant worry that a big wolf will scratch the door in a parking lot, etc. Stop crying wolf. The language we use when thinking about our lives helps shape our perspective. If your inner voice always says things like “Why does this always happen to me?” or “I never have any luck,” you create a sense of self pity that does nothing but make you miserable. Try changing at least one of your regular negative thoughts to something more upbeat, even if it’s just “Things could be worse.” Sorrow Howl at the moon. Too often when bad things happen in our lives, we put on a happy face and try to move on too quickly. Give yourself time to vent your feelings so that you can move past them. But remind yourself that you will move past them – you always do. Travel in packs. One of the best ways to let go of your tears is to hang out with your favourite friends. Make sure you schedule regular outings with the people who make you happy. Sorrow feeds in the darkness, so get out into the bright light of day. Open the curtains, turn on the lights, or better yet, get outside and feel the sun on your face. On your next good day, write a positive note to yourself to read the next time you feel like whimpering and hiding in a cave. Be sure not to bury it somewhere you can’t find it! Regret & Guilt Life is all about making choices and whenever you choose one path through the woods, you choose not to follow another. Imagine how silly it would be to regret or feel guilty about every choice you’ve made in life that didn’t turn out like you wanted (“Darn, I should have parted my hair on the left side this morning!”) Wild animals don’t waste time on regret – you shouldn’t either. Sing the blues. Write a silly blues song about things you regret doing or not doing in your past. How about the “I Wish I Hadn’t Called My Boss ‘Queen of Denial’ When Was Within Earshot Blues?” Then sing it to your family. If your dog howls along, even better! If you notice a pattern between certain things you do and feelings of guilt, stop doing those things! Call your mother. Send birthday cards out on time. Quit trying to pass off store bought cookies as homemade at the school bake sale. Just attach a note that, The fire department says I shouldn’t be allowed in the kitchen ever again.” Greed The next time you feel yourself wanting MORE, MORE, MORE, leave your comfortable den and go spend some time with someone who has less. There’s nothing like a fresh of perspective to make you happy with what you have. Often the best way to stop greed in its tracks is to give some of the things you have that you no longer use away. Next time you are about to spend money on things you don’t really need just because you saw them in a store or catalogue, rummage through your closet or attic for anything you can take to your favourite local charity. Get out your phone or digital camera and take pictures of at least five things you thought you absolutely had to have that ended up hidden away in a closet or covered with spiders in the garage. Put the photos on the refrigerator with a sign that says “The Hall of Greed & Shame.” Arrogance, False Pride, & Superiority Most of us don’t consider ourselves arrogant, but we hold arrogant beliefs. For example, do you think that college graduates are smarter than blue-collar workers? Do you believe that it’s a better use of your time to chat with your boss during your break than a secretary? to identify your own arrogant thoughts and challenge them daily. Whenever you feel better than someone else, remember that in other circumstances, that person may be superior to you. For example, you may be great at math, but lousy at singing karaoke. We all have our own talents and skills. If you regularly find yourself boasting and feeling superior, do things you’re really bad at to remind yourself of your limitations. Give someone else credit for something good you’ve done. And never take it back. Inferiority & Lies Do you tell little white lies to make yourself feel better? Are your kids are the best soccer players ever to play the game? Did you get a perfect score on your exams way back ? Correct one lie this week you’ve been perpetuating for a long time and see if the truth doesn’t make you feel like howling in relief. We often make ourselves feel inferior by creating a false image of someone we admire. Stop holding your tail between your legs and cowering. Remember, we’re all human and even those people you most admire have their own faults and self doubts. Next time you compare yourself to someone and feel inferior, call a friend who thinks you hung the moon. Take out your driver’s license and read your age and weight. Laugh. Now pledge that next time you get your license renewed, you’ll tell the truth and nothing but the truth. Feeding the Right Wolf Now that you’ve learned some techniques for keeping the bad wolf away, here are some ways to invite the good wolf into your life: Joy Start your day frisky by waking up with a song on your lips. Pick a joyful tune to sing, hum, or whistle. Some possibilities: Let The Sun Shine In by the Beatles, Twas a Sunny Day by Paul Simon, Keep on the Sunny Side by The Whites (from the O Brother, Where Aren’t Thou soundtrack.) Wolf-whistle your approval. Acknowledging the accomplishments of others loudly and often will bring them joy, and a world with more joy in it is a much better place for everyone. Show your teeth, in a good way, by smiling at least once an hour. A smile invites people into your life who want to share your joy (and usually scares away those with Irritable Scowl Syndrome!) Post this quote by Carlos Castaneda where you can see it every day: “We either make ourselves strong or we make ourselves miserable. The amount of work is the same.” Always carry hard candy in one pocket and dog treats in the other. That way someone will always be overjoyed to see you. Peace Refuse to believe that it’s a dog-eat-dog world. Opt instead to believe in a world where mother wolves take in other cubs and raise them as their own. Set an example by doing something wolf motherly today. Remember there’s a difference between play-fighting and real fighting. Only bare your teeth when you really have to. Be a peaceful animal this week. Don’t kill any member of any species you find inside your home (ants, spiders, dust bunnies…) Either live and let live or start a relocation program. Join an organization committed to waging peace on earth such as Amnesty International (www.amnesty.org), Stop The Violence/Increase the Peace (www.stoptheviolence-ca.org), Increase Peace (www.peaceinc.org). Love Play with your cubs. Nothing speaks love to children like spending time with them. Mark your territory by doing something heartfelt for everyone you love this week. A phone call, a foot rub, a squeak toy (for the dog or cat, not your grandma, although who knows, she might enjoy it too), can be all it takes to let them know how you feel. Do one thing today that you really don’t enjoy, but that someone will love you for doing. Take out the trash, balance the cheque book, clean out the iguana’s ears… Actions speak love louder than words. Make a list of five things you can love about a person you consider unlovable. Put it in your wallet so next time that person turns into a werewolf, you can pull it out just in the nick of time and respond with love. Hope Foster an attitude of hope by choosing to see the good in everyone and the potential for good in everything that happens, good or bad. Just as we humans used to believe wolves were dangerous and evil until we acknowledged their beauty and importance, we can also change our opinions about others. Create a “Hope Chest.” Take a small box (a shoe box will do) and fill it with clippings of stories that give you hope, such as children raising money for the hungry or someone stopping to rescue a stray animal. Take out your box whenever you feel disheartened and hopeless. Give someone the gift of hope by encouraging his or her dreams. If your daughter dreams of dancing the ballet, buy her toe shoes. If your best friend dreams of becoming a major league baseball player, get her a cup! Humility Learn to apologize sincerely and often. Saying “I’m sorry” can be as difficult for us humans as learning to fly would be for a wolf. But the inability to apologize when we are wrong or just obstinate and argumentative) can create rifts in relationships than can take months to heal. Next time you receive kind words for a job well done, or better yet, an award of some kind, sure to howl the praises of everyone who helped you with the accomplishment. Think of it as your night at the Oscars! Identify one person you’re no longer going to try to impress. It’s a lot of work trying to run around like a wolf in sheep’s clothing (or a sheep in wolf’s clothing!) Stop trying to convince your mother-in-law you’re a good cook. Or acting as if you like football just to fit in with the guys. When you accept yourself for who you are, it becomes easier to accept others as well. Kindness Leave your mark behind. When you go out to eat and your waiter or waitress does an extraordinary job (and they often do, we just fail to notice), leave a larger tip and a note thanking them. The money will be spent much sooner than the words of appreciation. Go to a bookstore this week and buy a book that inspires you to be a better person. Buy two copies and leave one at the front desk with instructions that the next person in line gets it for free. Don’t wait for a full moon to donate blood. Don’t invade your neighbour’s territory. Instead of using a leaf blower (which is ranked by most people as one of the most obnoxious and un-neighbourly devices on earth), rake by hand. Use a people-powered mower instead of a gas mower. You’ll not only be more neighbourly, you’ll get your exercise without having to pay for a gym membership. Benevolence & Generosity Sign up to be an organ donor. Donating your vital organs when you no longer need them is one of the most generous things you can do in life (and beyond.) Rewrite your will to include charitable giving when you’re gone. Without charitable trusts, many wildlife preserves wouldn’t exist, schools wouldn’t have new computers, and shelters for abused and neglected children wouldn’t get built. If you don’t have a will, this is the time to write one. It’s really not that scary (except for the part where you have to pay the lawyer for legal services.) My, what big eyes you have – the better to read! Take time to help teach a child or an illiterate adult to read. A commitment to helping someone become literate is a long-lasting gift not only to that person, but also to his or her family and community. Compassion and Empathy Share the spoils – bring a sandwich and cold drink to someone standing on the side of the road with a sign asking for help. And a bag of food for their dog if they have one with them. Be kind to all animals. When you go to the store this week or shop online, choose to purchase only products that haven’t been tested on animals. A good resource to find out which products are compassionate is the NAVS’ booklet Personal Care for People Who Care, available from their website: www.navs.org. Help keep others warm during the winter. If you enjoy going to garage sales, keep an eye out for warm coats, sweaters and blankets you can buy inexpensively. Collect these and donate them this fall to your local homeless shelter or mission. Truth and Faith Spend as much time as you can out in nature. A simple walk in the woods, a day in the garden, or a weekend spent camping out can restore your faith in God and nature. Don’t be a lone wolf – join a congregation. Whether you go to a church, a synagogue, or a regular meeting of people who believe the same things you do, just sharing your beliefs with others can help you deepen your faith and reconnect to your spirituality. Stop waiting for the fairy tale ending. Life is about making every day special, not about sitting around waiting for your fairy godmother to show up and get rid of the wolf at the door. Have faith in yourself and your loved ones instead and you will be rewarded over and over. Stare up at the moon and stars with wonderment and awe. Life is amazing when you take the time to look around. So find yourself a heavenly body or a constellation (how about the Dog Star?) and vow to look for it in the night sky at least once a week in order to remind yourself of the miracle of life. By feeding the right wolf, you not only do you improve your own life, you make the whole planet a better place to live. And if you think you don’t have the time or energy to change your old negative habits, remember it takes just as much time to feed the bad wolf as it does the good.

Keep stress at bay

Gaining confidence through breathing By Steve Hart
l Learning how to breathe properly can help you become more confident and decrease stress. Knowing how to breathe correctly can help people overcome low self-esteem says Clare Trethewey, a breath integration practitioner, whose work includes helping those who feel bullied and stressed at work. _________________ Breath integration is based on yoga, as well as meditation, Taoism and psychology. Photo / Warren BucklandKnowing how to breathe correctly can help people overcome low self-esteem says Clare Trethewey, a breath integration practitioner, whose work includes helping those who feel bullied and stressed at work. She says 90 per cent of what we think about comes from our subconscious and once we can connect with those hidden feelings and understand them, they become insignificant - leading people to feel more self-confident and outgoing. She says: "Fear plays a big part in how people react to situations at work. And when you understand what fear is, and how we create it, then that understanding can be applied to all sorts of situations - not just employment." Trethewey says the first step to overcoming fear and wiping out the feelings of stress is to understand how stress is created. "You have to avoid thoughts such as 'how am I going to cope', 'they won't want me' or 'I'll probably get it wrong' because these are self-sabotaging thoughts," she says. "These are the thoughts that are going to cause you stress because they are judgemental thoughts - that we may not be good enough for the job and that puts pressure on ourselves. "These types of thoughts focus on what 'might' happen. If you focus on what you don't want, then that's what you'll get. "And that causes fear because you are thinking about the worst possible thing that could happen. That could include being shown up, being exposed, being made to look like an idiot at work. If that's what you are thinking about then you will become nervous, worried and tense." _____________________________ _____________________________ Trethewey says thoughts such as these cause people to create feelings that make them feel uncomfortable, can overwhelm them and make people panic causing them to hold their breath and lead to shallow breathing. "Then you feel stressed, powerless and victimised by what you are telling yourself might happen.' Trethewey calls it the "anxiety of expectation' and says it is caused by people focusing on their perception of how they are viewed by work colleagues, rather than how they want to come across at work. "People do not show their emotions. You see it all the time. People will put their hand over their mouth when they are upset to stifle their natural emotion and feelings, and deep down it slowly builds up," says Trethewey. "In addition, nervousness and anxiety are created by what people tell themselves. If they can stand back they will see their true selves and cut through that self-imposed boundary.' She says a technique called 'breath integration' is a way for people to find their inner confidence and to feel much more comfortable with themselves - and to perhaps understand why they feel like victims when they get out of bed in the morning. Breath integration has not been scientifically proved to help people, but it has gained popularity on the back of anecdotal evidence and on the word of its founder - New Zealander Colin Sisson who has written a book about his 'discovery'. Trethewey was taught breath integration by Sisson and has been a breath integration practitioner for five years. She says that the technique is based on yoga, meditation, Taoism and psychology. During sessions with her clients Trethewey helps people bring their anxieties to the surface and then "breathe through them'. "When we relax and exhale we allow the feeling and the experience to flow through and it dissolves - then the feeling of fear or stress goes.' She says just because people may not give credibility to their feelings, it doesn't mean they are not there. "Slowly those feelings overwhelm people," says Trethewey. "If you are feeling nervous then what's wrong with that? Don't make how you are feeling wrong. Feel it and deal with it and keep breathing. And if you can do that then you will feel better and stronger.' Trethewey says people often feel empowered after one session of breath integration but says that having 10 sessions is normal. "This work is about how we create stress and how to stop doing it. You learn to stop giving your power away and once you understand you are the creator of your feelings then you can feel however you want." ******************************************************* KEEPING STRESS AT BAY Actively choose to pull the inhale in when breathing. Relax the exhale by letting go all control of the exhale. This is meant to be a passive breath. Correct breathing is active - passive, not the other way around. If we are not relaxing the exhale we will create struggle. When we consciously breathe we also eliminate the gaps between the inhale and exhale and then stress begins to leave our body because the balance of the breath is correct. source: nzherald.co.nz

Ageing of our organs

BRAIN Starts ageing at 20 As we get older, the number of nerve cells - or neurons - in the brain decrease. We start with around 100 billion, but in our 20s this number starts to decline. By 40, we could be losing up to 10,000 per day, affecting memory, co-ordination and brain function. In fact, while the neurons are important, it's actually thedeterioration of the gaps between the brain cells that has the biggest impact, says Dr Wojtek Rakowicz, a consultant neurologist at Imperial College Healthcare NHS Trust in London . We all assume grey hair and wrinkles are the first signs of ageing, but some parts of your body are worn out long before you look old. These tiny gaps between the end of one brain nerve cell and another are called synapses. Their job is to ensure the flow of information from one cell to another, and as we age we make fewer.

GUT Starts ageing at 55 A healthy gut has a good balance between harmful and 'friendly' bacteria. But levels of friendly bacteria in the gut drop significantly after 55, particularly in the large intestine, says Tom MacDonald, professor of immunology at Barts And The London medical school. As a result, we suffer from poor digestion and an increased risk of gut disease. Constipation is more likely as we age, as the flow of digestive juices from the stomach, liver, pancreas and small intestine slows down.

BREASTS start ageing at 35 BY their mid-30s, women's breasts start losing tissue and fat, reducing size and fullness. Sagging starts properly at 40 and the areola (the area surrounding the nipple) can shrink considerably.Although breast cancer risk increases with age, it's not related to physical changes in the breast. More likely, says Gareth Evans, breast cancer specialist at St Mary's Hospital, Manchester , our cells become damaged with age - as a result, the genes which control cell growth can mutate, causing cancer.

BLADDER Starts ageing at 65 Loss of bladder control is more likely when you hit 65. The bladder starts to contract suddenly, even when it's not full. Women are more vulnerable to bladder problems as, after the menopause, declining oestrogen levels make tissues in the urethra - the tube through which urine passes - thinner and weaker, reducing bladder support. Bladder capacity in an older adult generally is about half that of a younger person - about two cups in a 30-year-old and one cup in a 70-year-old.This causes more frequent trips to the loo, particularly as poor muscle tone means the bladder may not fully empty. This in turn can lead to urinary tract infections.

LUNGS Start ageing at 20 Lung capacity slowly starts to decrease from the age of 20. By the age of 40, some people are already experiencing breathlessness. This is partly because the muscles and the rib cage which control breathing stiffen up. It's then harder to work the lungs and also means some air remains in the lungs after breathing out - causing breathlessness.Aged 30, the average man can inhale two pints of air in one breath. By 70, it's down to one.

VOICE Starts ageing at 65 Our voices become quieter and hoarser with age. The soft tissues in the voice box (larynx) weaken, affecting the pitch, loudness and quality of the voice. A woman's voice may become huskier and lower in pitch, whereas a man's might become thinner and higher.

EYES start ageing at 40 Glasses are the norm for many over - 40s as failing eyesight kicks in - usually long-sightedness, affecting our ability to see objects up close. As we age, the eye's ability to focus deteriorates because the eyes' muscles become weaker, says Andrew Lotery, professor of ophthalmology at the University of Southampton .

HEART Starts ageing at 40 The heart pumps blood less effectively around the body as we get older. This is because blood vessels become less elastic, while arteries can harden or become blocked because of fatty deposits forming on the coronary arteries - caused by eating too much saturated fat. The blood supply to the heart is then reduced, resulting in painful angina. Men over 45 and women over 55 are at greater risk of a heart attack. A recent study by Lloyds Pharmacy found the average person in the UK has a 'heart age' five years older than their chronological age, probably due to obesity and lack of exercise.

LIVER Starts ageing at 70 This is the only organ in the body which seems to defy the aging process. 'Its cells have an extraordinary capacity to regenerate,' explain David Lloyd, a consultant liver surgeon at Leicester Royal Infirmary.He says he can remove half a liver during surgery and it will grow to the size of a complete liver within three months. If a donor doesn't drink, use drug or suffer from infection, then it is possible to transplant a 70-year-old liver into a 20-year-old.

KIDNEYS Starts ageing at 50 With kidneys, the number of filtering units (nephrons) that remove waste from the bloodstream starts to reduce in middle age. One effect of this is their inability to turn off urine production at night, causing frequent trips to the bathroom. The kidneys of a 75-year-old person will filter only half the amount of blood that a 30-year-old's will.

PROSTATE Starts ageing at 50 The prostate often becomes enlarged with age, leading to problems such as increased need to urinate, says Professor Roger Kirby, director of the Prostate Centre in London . This is known as benign prostatic hyperplasia and affects half of men over 50, but rarely those under 40. It occurs when the prostate absorbs large amounts of the male sex hormone testosterone, which increases the growth of cells in the prostate. A normal prostate is the size of a walnut, but the condition can increase this to the size of a tangerine.

BONES Start ageing at 35 'Throughout our life, old bone is broken down by cells called osteoclasts and replaced by bone-building cells called osteoblasts - a process called bone turnover,' explains Robert Moots, professor of rheumatology at Aintree University Hospital in Liverpool . Children's bone growth is rapid - the skeleton takes just two years to renew itself completely. In adults, this can take ten years. Until our mid-20s, bone density is still increasing. But at 35 bone loss begins as part of the natural ageing process.This becomes more rapid in post-menopausal women and can cause the bone-thinning condition osteoporosis. The shrinking in size and density of bones can lead to loss of height. Bones in the back shrivel up or crumble between the vertebrae. We lose two inches in height by the time we're 80.

TEETH Start ageing at 40 As we age, we produce less saliva, which washes away bacteria, so teeth and gums are more vulnerable to decay. Receding gums - when tissue is lost from gums around the teeth - is common in adults over 40.

MUSCLES Start ageing at 30 Muscle is constantly being built up and broken down, a process which is well balanced in young adults.However, by the time we're 30, breakdown is greater than buildup, explains Professor Robert Moots.Once adults reach 40, they start to lose between 0.5 and 2 per cent of their muscle each year. Regular exercise can help prevent this.

HEARING Starts ageing mid-50s More than half of people over 60 lose hearing because of their age, according to the Royal National Institute for the Deaf. The condition, known as presbycusis, happens due to a loss of 'hair cells' - tiny sensory cells in the inner ear which pick up sound vibrations and send them to the brain.

SKIN Starts ageing mid-20s The skin starts to age naturally in your mid-20s. According to Dr Andrew Wright, a consultant dermatologist with Bradford NHS Trust, as we get older production of collagen - the protein which acts as scaffolding to the skin - slows, and elastin, the substance that enables skin to snap back into place, has less spring and can even break. Dead skin cells don't shed as quickly and turnover of new skin cells may decrease slightly. This causes fine wrinkles and thin, transparent skin - even if the first signs may not appear until our mid-30s (unless accelerated by smoking or sun damage).

TASTE AND SMELL Start ageing at 60 start out in life with about 10,000 taste buds scattered on the tongue. This number can halve later in life. After we turn 60, taste and smell gradually decline, partly as a result of the normal ageing process. This can be accelerated by problems such as polyps in the nasal or sinus cavities. It can also be the cumulative effect of years of smoking.

FERTILITY starts ageing at 35 Female fertility begins to decline after 35, as the number and quality of eggs in the ovaries start to fall.The lining of the womb may become thinner, making it less likely for a fertilised egg to take, and also creating an environment hostile to sperm. Male fertility also starts to drop around this age. Men who wait until their 40s before starting a family have a greater chance of their partner having a miscarriage, because of the poorer quality of their sperm.

HAIR Starts ageing at 30 . Male hair loss usually begins in the 30s. Hair is made in tiny pouches just under the skin's surface, known as follices. A hair normally grows from each follicle for about three years, is then shed, and a new hair grows. However, with male-pattern baldness, changes in levels of testosterone from their early-30s affect this cycle, causing the hair follicles to shrink. Each new hair is thinner than the previous one.. Eventually, all that remains is a much smaller hair follicle and a thin stump of hair that does not grow out to the skin surface. Most people will have some grey hair by the age of 35. When we are young, our hair is coloured by the pigments produced by cells in the hair follicle known as melanocytes. As we grow older, melanocytes become less active, so less pigment is produced, the colour fades, and grey hairs grow instead.

20 painkillers found in your kitchen

When Danish researchers asked achy people to jazz up their diets with ginger, it eased muscle and joint pain, swelling and stiffness for up to 63 percent of them within two months. Experts credit ginger’s potent compounds called gingerols, which prevent the production of pain-triggering hormones. The study-recommended dose: Add at least 1 teaspoon of dried ginger or 2 teaspoons of chopped ginger to meals daily.

Cure a toothache with cloves Got a toothache and can’t get to the dentist? Gently chewing on a clove can ease tooth pain and gum inflammation for two hours straight, say UCLA researchers. Experts point to a natural compound in cloves called eugenol, a powerful, natural anesthetic. Bonus: Sprinkling a ¼ teaspoon of ground cloves on meals daily may also protect your ticker. Scientists say this simple action helps stabilize blood sugar, plus dampen production of artery-clogging cholesterol in as little as three weeks.

Heal heartburn with cider vinegar Sip 1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar mixed with 8 ounces of water before every meal, and experts say you could shut down painful bouts of heartburn in as little as 24 hours. “Cider vinegar is rich in malic and tartaric acids, powerful digestive aids that speed the breakdown of fats and proteins so your stomach can empty quickly, before food washes up into the esophagus, triggering heartburn pain,” explains Joseph Brasco, M.D., a gastroenterologist at the Center for Colon and Digestive Diseases in Huntsville, AL.

Erase earaches with garlic Painful ear infections drive millions of Americans to doctors’ offices every year. To cure one fast, just place two drops of warm garlic oil into your aching ear twice daily for five days. This simple treatment can clear up ear infections faster than prescription meds, say experts at the University of New Mexico School of Medicine. Scientists say garlic’s active ingredients (germanium, selenium, and sulfur compounds) are naturally toxic to dozens of different pain-causing bacteria. To whip up your own garlic oil gently simmer three cloves of crushed garlic in a half a cup of extra virgin olive oil for two minutes, strain, then refrigerate for up to two weeks, suggests Teresa Graedon, Ph.D., co-author of the book, Best Choices From The People’s Pharmacy. For an optimal experience, warm this mix slightly before using so the liquid will feel soothing in your ear canal.

Chase away joint and headache pain with cherries Latest studies show that at least one in four women is struggling with arthritis, gout or chronic headaches. If you’re one of them, a daily bowl of cherries could ease your ache, without the stomach upset so often triggered by today’s painkillers, say researchers at East Lansing ’s Michigan State University . Their research reveals that anthocyanins, the compounds that give cherries their brilliant red color, are anti-inflammatories 10 times stronger than ibuprofen and aspirin. “Anthocyanins help shut down the powerful enzymes that kick-start tissue inflammation, so they can prevent, as well as treat, many different kinds of pain,” explains Muraleedharan Nair, Ph.D., professor of food science at Michigan State University . His advice: Enjoy 20 cherries (fresh, frozen or dried) daily, then continue until your pain disappears.

Fight tummy troubles with fish Indigestion, irritable bowel syndrome, inflammatory bowel diseases...if your belly always seems to be in an uproar, try munching 18 ounces of fish weekly to ease your misery. Repeated studies show that the fatty acids in fish, called EPA and DHA, can significantly reduce intestinal inflammation, cramping and belly pain and, in some cases, provide as much relief as corticosteroids and other prescription meds. “EPA and DHA are powerful, natural, side effect-free anti-inflammatories, that can dramatically improve the function of the entire gastrointestinal tract,” explains biological chemist Barry Sears, Ph.D., president of the Inflammation Research Foundation in Marblehead , MA . For best results, look for oily fish like salmon, sardines, tuna, mackerel, trout and herring.

Prevent PMS with yogurt Up to 80 percent of women will struggle with premenstrual syndrome and its uncomfortable symptoms, report Yale researchers. The reason: Their nervous systems are sensitive to the ups and downs in estrogen and progesterone that occur naturally every month. But snacking on 2 cups of yogurt a day can slash these symptoms by 48 percent, say researchers at New York ’s Columbia University . “Yogurt is rich in calcium, a mineral that naturally calms the nervous system, preventing painful symptoms even when hormones are in flux,” explains Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., a professor of gynecology at Yale University .

Tame chronic pain with turmeric Studies show turmeric, a popular East Indian spice, is actually three times more effective at easing pain than aspirin, ibuprofen or naproxen, plus it can help relieve chronic pain for 50 percent of people struggling with arthritis and even fibromyalgia, according to Cornell researchers. That’s because turmeric’s active ingredient, curcumin, naturally shuts down cyclooxygenase 2, an enzyme that churns out a stream of pain-producing hormones, explains nutrition researcher Julian Whitaker, M.D. and author of the book, Reversing Diabetes. The study-recommended dose: Sprinkle 1/4 teaspoon of this spice daily onto any rice, poultry, meat or vegetable dish.

End endometrial pain with oats The ticket to soothing endometriosis pain could be a daily bowl of oatmeal. Endometriosis occurs when little bits of the uterine lining detach and grow outside of the uterus. Experts say these migrating cells can turn menstruation into a misery, causing so much inflammation that they trigger severe cramping during your period, plus a heavy ache that drags on all month long. Fortunately, scientists say opting for a diet rich in oats can help reduce endometrial pain for up to 60 percent of women within six months. That’s because oats don’t contain gluten, a trouble-making protein that triggers inflammation in many women, making endometriosis difficult to bear, explains Peter Green, M.D., professor of medicine at Colombia University .

Soothe foot pain with salt Experts say at least six million Americans develop painful ingrown toenails each year. But regularly soaking ingrown nails in warm salt water baths can cure these painful infections within four days, say scientists at California ’s Stanford University . The salt in the mix naturally nixes inflammation, plus it’s anti-bacterial, so it quickly destroys the germs that cause swelling and pain. Just mix 1 teaspoon of salt into each cup of water, heat to the warmest temperature that you can comfortably stand, and then soak the affected foot area for 20 minutes twice daily, until your infection subsides.

Prevent digestive upsets with pineapple Got gas? One cup of fresh pineapple daily can cut painful bloating within 72 hours, say researchers at California ’s Stanford University . That's because pineapple is natually packed with proteolytic enzymes, digestive aids that help speed the breakdown of pain-causing proteins in the stomach and small intestine, say USDA researchers.

Relax painful muscles with peppermint Suffering from tight, sore muscles? Stubborn knots can hang around for months if they aren’t properly treated, says naturopath Mark Stengler, N.D., author of the book, The Natural Physician’s Healing Therapies. His advice: Three times each week, soak in a warm tub scented with 10 drops of peppermint oil. The warm water will relax your muscles, while the peppermint oil will naturally soothe your nerves -- a combo that can ease muscle cramping 25 percent more effectively than over-the-counter painkillers, and cut the frequency of future flare-ups in half, says Stengler.

Give your back some TLC with grapes Got an achy back? Grapes could be the ticket to a speedy recovery. Recent studies at Ohio State University suggest eating a heaping cup of grapes daily can relax tight blood vessels, significantly improving blood flow to damaged back tissues (and often within three hours of enjoying the first bowl). That’s great news because your back’s vertebrae and shock-absorbing discs are completely dependent on nearby blood vessels to bring them healing nutrients and oxygen, so improving blood flow is essential for healing damaged back tissue, says Stengler.

Wash away pain injuries with water Whether it’s your feet, your knees or your shoulders that are throbbing, experts at New York ’s Manhattan College , say you could kick-start your recovery in one week just by drinking eight 8-ounce glasses of water daily. Why? Experts say water dilutes, and then helps flush out, histamine, a pain-triggering compound produced by injured tissues. “Plus water is a key building block of the cartilage that cushions the ends of your bones, your joints’ lubricating fluid, and the soft discs in your spine,” adds Susan M. Kleiner, Ph.D., author of the book, The Good Mood Diet. “And when these tissues are well-hydrated, they can move and glide over each other without causing pain.” One caveat: Be sure to measure your drinking glasses to find out how large they really are before you start sipping, she says. Today’s juice glasses often hold more than 12 ounces, which means five servings could be enough to meet your daily goal.

Heal sinus problems with horseradish Latest studies show sinusitis is the nation’s number one chronic health problem. And this condition doesn’t just spur congestion and facial pain, it also makes sufferers six times more likely to feel achy all-over. Horseradish to the rescue! According to German researchers, this eye-watering condiment naturally revs up blood flow to the sinus cavities, helping to open and drain clogged sinuses and heal sinus infections more quickly than decongestant sprays do. The study-recommended dose: One teaspoon twice daily (either on its own, or used as a sandwich or meat topping) until symptoms clear.

Beat bladder infections with blueberries Eating 1 cup of blueberries daily, whether you opt for them fresh, frozen or in juice form, can cut your risk of a urinary tract infection (UTIs) by 60 percent, according to researchers at New Jersey’s Rutgers University. That's because blueberries are loaded with tannins, plant compounds that wrap around problem-causing bacteria in the bladder, so they can’t get a toehold and create an infection, explains Amy Howell, Ph.D. a scientist at Rutgers University .

Heal mouth sores with honey Dab painful canker and cold sores with unpasteurized honey four times daily until these skin woes disappear, and they’ll heal 43 percent faster than if you use a prescription cream, say researchers at the Dubai Specialized Medical Center in the United Arab Emirates . Raw honey’s natural enzymes zap inflammation, destroy invading viruses and speed the healing of damaged tissues, say the study authors.

Fight breast pain with flax In one recent study, adding 3 tablespoons of ground flax to their daily diet eased breast soreness for one in three women within 12 weeks. Scientists credit flax’s phytoestrogens, natural plant compounds that prevent the estrogen spikes that can trigger breast pain. More good news: You don’t have to be a master baker to sneak this healthy seed into your diet. Just sprinkle ground flax on oatmeal, yogurt, applesauce or add it to smoothies and veggie dips.

Cure migraines with coffee Prone to migraines? Try muscling-up your painkiller with a coffee chaser. Whatever over-the-counter pain med you prefer, researchers at the National Headache Foundation say washing it down with a strong 12- ounce cup of coffee will boost the effectiveness of your medication by 40 percent or more. Experts say caffeine stimulates the stomach lining to absorb painkillers more quickly and more effectively.

Tame leg cramps with tomato juice At least one in five people regularly struggle with leg cramps. The culprit? Potassium deficiencies, which occur when this mineral is flushed out by diuretics, caffeinated beverages or heavy perspiration during exercise. But sip 10 ounces of potassium-rich tomato juice daily and you'll not only speed your recovery, you'll reduce your risk of painful cramp flare-ups in as little as 10 days, say UCLA researchers.