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Thursday, May 10, 2012

Cultivate a healthy approach to life-feed the right wolf


Creating Your Best Life by Feeding the Right Wolf by Jonathan Heywood__________________________________________________ An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority; and the other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.” The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one we feed.” The simplicity and truth of this advice almost took my breath away. And it started me thinking about how I could pay more attention to feeding the right wolf. After all, you can’t just set out a bowl of food and hope the good wolf eats and the bad one stays away. have to have a plan. How to Stop Feeding the Wrong Wolf In order to minimize the part of your day spent feeding your negative emotions, try these simple tips: Anger & Resentment When you feel these emotions bearing down on you, count to ten. Backwards. In another language. The more complicated the better, because it will take you even longer and you’ll have more time to get a leash on your anger. Take five deep breaths (not so deep you inhale the dust bunnies though!). As you exhale, anger loping off down the hill, never to return again. Practice “distraction theory.” Every time you feel yourself about to let your anger get the better of you, distract yourself with something silly, like blowing bubbles, honking a bicycle horn, or imagining yourself as Little Red Riding Hood. Little eruptions of anger will usually pass by if you don’t pay them any attention. Go for a walk. Walking away gives you physical distance from your emotions, as well as providing you time to cool off. Just be sure to leave some breadcrumbs behind if you need a long hike! If you feel slighted by someone, rather than building up resentment, compliment that person sincerely on something you admire about them. You’ll feel better about yourself and perhaps she’ll act more humanely towards you the next time. Envy & Self Pity Next time you feel the green-eyed beast raring its ugly head, make a list of ten things have in your life that you’re really thankful for. Start with your pack (family & friends!) If that isn’t enough to stop your envy, try making a list of the disadvantages of possessing the thing you’re longing for. For example, that new car your neighbour just drove home means higher monthly bills for insurance, more money for gas, constant worry that a big wolf will scratch the door in a parking lot, etc. Stop crying wolf. The language we use when thinking about our lives helps shape our perspective. If your inner voice always says things like “Why does this always happen to me?” or “I never have any luck,” you create a sense of self pity that does nothing but make you miserable. Try changing at least one of your regular negative thoughts to something more upbeat, even if it’s just “Things could be worse.” Sorrow Howl at the moon. Too often when bad things happen in our lives, we put on a happy face and try to move on too quickly. Give yourself time to vent your feelings so that you can move past them. But remind yourself that you will move past them – you always do. Travel in packs. One of the best ways to let go of your tears is to hang out with your favourite friends. Make sure you schedule regular outings with the people who make you happy. Sorrow feeds in the darkness, so get out into the bright light of day. Open the curtains, turn on the lights, or better yet, get outside and feel the sun on your face. On your next good day, write a positive note to yourself to read the next time you feel like whimpering and hiding in a cave. Be sure not to bury it somewhere you can’t find it! Regret & Guilt Life is all about making choices and whenever you choose one path through the woods, you choose not to follow another. Imagine how silly it would be to regret or feel guilty about every choice you’ve made in life that didn’t turn out like you wanted (“Darn, I should have parted my hair on the left side this morning!”) Wild animals don’t waste time on regret – you shouldn’t either. Sing the blues. Write a silly blues song about things you regret doing or not doing in your past. How about the “I Wish I Hadn’t Called My Boss ‘Queen of Denial’ When Was Within Earshot Blues?” Then sing it to your family. If your dog howls along, even better! If you notice a pattern between certain things you do and feelings of guilt, stop doing those things! Call your mother. Send birthday cards out on time. Quit trying to pass off store bought cookies as homemade at the school bake sale. Just attach a note that, The fire department says I shouldn’t be allowed in the kitchen ever again.” Greed The next time you feel yourself wanting MORE, MORE, MORE, leave your comfortable den and go spend some time with someone who has less. There’s nothing like a fresh of perspective to make you happy with what you have. Often the best way to stop greed in its tracks is to give some of the things you have that you no longer use away. Next time you are about to spend money on things you don’t really need just because you saw them in a store or catalogue, rummage through your closet or attic for anything you can take to your favourite local charity. Get out your phone or digital camera and take pictures of at least five things you thought you absolutely had to have that ended up hidden away in a closet or covered with spiders in the garage. Put the photos on the refrigerator with a sign that says “The Hall of Greed & Shame.” Arrogance, False Pride, & Superiority Most of us don’t consider ourselves arrogant, but we hold arrogant beliefs. For example, do you think that college graduates are smarter than blue-collar workers? Do you believe that it’s a better use of your time to chat with your boss during your break than a secretary? to identify your own arrogant thoughts and challenge them daily. Whenever you feel better than someone else, remember that in other circumstances, that person may be superior to you. For example, you may be great at math, but lousy at singing karaoke. We all have our own talents and skills. If you regularly find yourself boasting and feeling superior, do things you’re really bad at to remind yourself of your limitations. Give someone else credit for something good you’ve done. And never take it back. Inferiority & Lies Do you tell little white lies to make yourself feel better? Are your kids are the best soccer players ever to play the game? Did you get a perfect score on your exams way back ? Correct one lie this week you’ve been perpetuating for a long time and see if the truth doesn’t make you feel like howling in relief. We often make ourselves feel inferior by creating a false image of someone we admire. Stop holding your tail between your legs and cowering. Remember, we’re all human and even those people you most admire have their own faults and self doubts. Next time you compare yourself to someone and feel inferior, call a friend who thinks you hung the moon. Take out your driver’s license and read your age and weight. Laugh. Now pledge that next time you get your license renewed, you’ll tell the truth and nothing but the truth. Feeding the Right Wolf Now that you’ve learned some techniques for keeping the bad wolf away, here are some ways to invite the good wolf into your life: Joy Start your day frisky by waking up with a song on your lips. Pick a joyful tune to sing, hum, or whistle. Some possibilities: Let The Sun Shine In by the Beatles, Twas a Sunny Day by Paul Simon, Keep on the Sunny Side by The Whites (from the O Brother, Where Aren’t Thou soundtrack.) Wolf-whistle your approval. Acknowledging the accomplishments of others loudly and often will bring them joy, and a world with more joy in it is a much better place for everyone. Show your teeth, in a good way, by smiling at least once an hour. A smile invites people into your life who want to share your joy (and usually scares away those with Irritable Scowl Syndrome!) Post this quote by Carlos Castaneda where you can see it every day: “We either make ourselves strong or we make ourselves miserable. The amount of work is the same.” Always carry hard candy in one pocket and dog treats in the other. That way someone will always be overjoyed to see you. Peace Refuse to believe that it’s a dog-eat-dog world. Opt instead to believe in a world where mother wolves take in other cubs and raise them as their own. Set an example by doing something wolf motherly today. Remember there’s a difference between play-fighting and real fighting. Only bare your teeth when you really have to. Be a peaceful animal this week. Don’t kill any member of any species you find inside your home (ants, spiders, dust bunnies…) Either live and let live or start a relocation program. Join an organization committed to waging peace on earth such as Amnesty International (www.amnesty.org), Stop The Violence/Increase the Peace (www.stoptheviolence-ca.org), Increase Peace (www.peaceinc.org). Love Play with your cubs. Nothing speaks love to children like spending time with them. Mark your territory by doing something heartfelt for everyone you love this week. A phone call, a foot rub, a squeak toy (for the dog or cat, not your grandma, although who knows, she might enjoy it too), can be all it takes to let them know how you feel. Do one thing today that you really don’t enjoy, but that someone will love you for doing. Take out the trash, balance the cheque book, clean out the iguana’s ears… Actions speak love louder than words. Make a list of five things you can love about a person you consider unlovable. Put it in your wallet so next time that person turns into a werewolf, you can pull it out just in the nick of time and respond with love. Hope Foster an attitude of hope by choosing to see the good in everyone and the potential for good in everything that happens, good or bad. Just as we humans used to believe wolves were dangerous and evil until we acknowledged their beauty and importance, we can also change our opinions about others. Create a “Hope Chest.” Take a small box (a shoe box will do) and fill it with clippings of stories that give you hope, such as children raising money for the hungry or someone stopping to rescue a stray animal. Take out your box whenever you feel disheartened and hopeless. Give someone the gift of hope by encouraging his or her dreams. If your daughter dreams of dancing the ballet, buy her toe shoes. If your best friend dreams of becoming a major league baseball player, get her a cup! Humility Learn to apologize sincerely and often. Saying “I’m sorry” can be as difficult for us humans as learning to fly would be for a wolf. But the inability to apologize when we are wrong or just obstinate and argumentative) can create rifts in relationships than can take months to heal. Next time you receive kind words for a job well done, or better yet, an award of some kind, sure to howl the praises of everyone who helped you with the accomplishment. Think of it as your night at the Oscars! Identify one person you’re no longer going to try to impress. It’s a lot of work trying to run around like a wolf in sheep’s clothing (or a sheep in wolf’s clothing!) Stop trying to convince your mother-in-law you’re a good cook. Or acting as if you like football just to fit in with the guys. When you accept yourself for who you are, it becomes easier to accept others as well. Kindness Leave your mark behind. When you go out to eat and your waiter or waitress does an extraordinary job (and they often do, we just fail to notice), leave a larger tip and a note thanking them. The money will be spent much sooner than the words of appreciation. Go to a bookstore this week and buy a book that inspires you to be a better person. Buy two copies and leave one at the front desk with instructions that the next person in line gets it for free. Don’t wait for a full moon to donate blood. Don’t invade your neighbour’s territory. Instead of using a leaf blower (which is ranked by most people as one of the most obnoxious and un-neighbourly devices on earth), rake by hand. Use a people-powered mower instead of a gas mower. You’ll not only be more neighbourly, you’ll get your exercise without having to pay for a gym membership. Benevolence & Generosity Sign up to be an organ donor. Donating your vital organs when you no longer need them is one of the most generous things you can do in life (and beyond.) Rewrite your will to include charitable giving when you’re gone. Without charitable trusts, many wildlife preserves wouldn’t exist, schools wouldn’t have new computers, and shelters for abused and neglected children wouldn’t get built. If you don’t have a will, this is the time to write one. It’s really not that scary (except for the part where you have to pay the lawyer for legal services.) My, what big eyes you have – the better to read! Take time to help teach a child or an illiterate adult to read. A commitment to helping someone become literate is a long-lasting gift not only to that person, but also to his or her family and community. Compassion and Empathy Share the spoils – bring a sandwich and cold drink to someone standing on the side of the road with a sign asking for help. And a bag of food for their dog if they have one with them. Be kind to all animals. When you go to the store this week or shop online, choose to purchase only products that haven’t been tested on animals. A good resource to find out which products are compassionate is the NAVS’ booklet Personal Care for People Who Care, available from their website: www.navs.org. Help keep others warm during the winter. If you enjoy going to garage sales, keep an eye out for warm coats, sweaters and blankets you can buy inexpensively. Collect these and donate them this fall to your local homeless shelter or mission. Truth and Faith Spend as much time as you can out in nature. A simple walk in the woods, a day in the garden, or a weekend spent camping out can restore your faith in God and nature. Don’t be a lone wolf – join a congregation. Whether you go to a church, a synagogue, or a regular meeting of people who believe the same things you do, just sharing your beliefs with others can help you deepen your faith and reconnect to your spirituality. Stop waiting for the fairy tale ending. Life is about making every day special, not about sitting around waiting for your fairy godmother to show up and get rid of the wolf at the door. Have faith in yourself and your loved ones instead and you will be rewarded over and over. Stare up at the moon and stars with wonderment and awe. Life is amazing when you take the time to look around. So find yourself a heavenly body or a constellation (how about the Dog Star?) and vow to look for it in the night sky at least once a week in order to remind yourself of the miracle of life. By feeding the right wolf, you not only do you improve your own life, you make the whole planet a better place to live. And if you think you don’t have the time or energy to change your old negative habits, remember it takes just as much time to feed the bad wolf as it does the good.

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