Smiling can boost your immune system

Smiling can boost your mood and even your immune system. Keep reading for more fascinating facts about our smiles. Forcing yourself to smile can boost your mood: Psychologists have found that even if you’re in bad mood, you can instantly lift your spirits by forcing yourself to smile. It boosts your immune system: Smiling really can improve your physical health, too. Your body is more relaxed when you smile, which contributes to good health and a stronger immune system. Smiles are contagious: It’s not just a saying: smiling really is contagious, scientists say. In a study conducted in Sweden, people had difficulty frowning when they looked at other subjects who were smiling, and their muscles twitched into smiles all on their own. Smiles Relieve Stress: Your body immediately releases endorphins when you smile, even when you force it. This sudden change in mood will help you feel better and release stress. It’s easier to smile than to frown: Scientists have discovered that your body has to work harder and use more muscles to frown than it does to smile. It’s a universal sign of happiness: While hand shakes, hugs, and bows all have varying meanings across cultures, smiling is known around the world and in all cultures as a sign of happiness and acceptance. We still smile at work: While we smile less at work than we do at home, 30% of subjects in a research study smiled five to 20 times a day, and 28% smiled over 20 times per day at the office. Smiles use from 5 to 53 facial muscles: Just smiling can require your body to use up to 53 muscles, but some smiles only use 5 muscle movements. Babies are born with the ability to smile: Babies learn a lot of behaviors and sounds from watching the people around them, but scientists believe that all babies are born with the ability, since even blind babies smile. Smiling helps you get promoted: Smiles make a person seem more attractive, sociable and confident, and people who smile more are more likely to get a promotion. Smiles are the most easily recognizable facial expression: People can recognize smiles from up to 300 feet away, making it the most easily recognizable facial expression. Women smile more than men: Generally, women smile more than men, but when they participate in similar work or social roles, they smile the same amount. This finding leads scientists to believe that gender roles are quite flexible. Boy babies, though, do smile less than girl babies, who also make more eye contact. Smiles are more attractive than makeup: A research study conducted by Orbit Complete discovered that 69% of people find women more attractive when they smile than when they are wearing makeup. There are 19 different types of smiles: UC - San Francisco researcher identified 19 types of smiles and put them into two categories: polite “social” smiles which engage fewer muscles, and sincere “felt” smiles that use more muscles on both sides of the face. Babies start smiling as newborns: Most doctors believe that real smiles occur when babies are awake at the age of four-to-six weeks, but babies start smiling in their sleep as soon as they’re born.

A lesson that will help us lead more fulfilling lives

THE 'HUMPS' WE SEE IN OTHERS

I don't know about you, but I don't spend a great deal of time worrying about how I appear to other people. I know I'm not perfect. Far from it. But I figure that there is an upside to my own flaws, faults and imperfections: for one thing, they seem to bring joy to others. Maybe that's reason enough not to over-polish.
Or maybe it's just that I underestimate the seriousness of my own shortcomings. I might be like the man who was driving a car with a bumper sticker that read, "Hang up and drive." A police officer was pleased to spot the sticker, as she had witnessed too many accidents caused by motorists talking on cell phones. Wanting to signal her approval to the driver, she pulled up alongside the car. But when she glanced over, she was dismayed to see him peering into his rear-view mirror and shaving. At least he wasn't talking on his mobile phone.
Maybe it is just easier to spot the flaws in others. It's like the camel. An African proverb states, "The camel never sees its own hump, but that of its brother is always before its eyes." I probably don't see my own humps very clearly. Or, as writer Margaret Halsey once said, "Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters."
So I can appreciate the story of an elderly couple who, while on an automobile trip, stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. The woman left her eye glasses on the table, but didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. And, of course, it was difficult to turn around by then. Her husband fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant about her "always leaving her glasses" behind. They finally arrived, and as the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the old man said, "While you're in there, you may as well get my hat, too."
Psychologist Carl Jung puts a powerful spin on this phenomenon of seeing other's faults more clearly than our own. He teaches that "everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." Or, put another way, the humps we can't help but seeing in others are a lot like the humps others see in us. Or, perhaps they are like the humps we see in ourselves.
So, what would happen if we'd look at other people's faults and humps as a gift? After all, they're teaching us about ourselves.
And that's what makes us different from camels.

-- Steve Goodier

Keep smiling

10 ENDURING WAYS TO KEEP SMILING By Alex Blackwell If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. –Andy Rooney. It doesn't take a lot of effort to smile, it only takes one reason. Our lives can be stressful and complicated at times, but that doesn’t mean laughter, happiness and serving up a warm, beautiful smile can’t fill the gaps in between. Perhaps if we can think of more reasons to smile, the gaps might become further apart and the energy our smiles provide will have a better chance of sustaining our efforts to look for the positive that exists around us. Maybe, our smiles can help us stay in the positive a little while longer, too. There’s no question disappointment will continue to occur (that’s just part of the natural ebb and flow of life), and when the sadness does come again, having an inventory of what brings us comfort and a heartwarming reason to smile is good to have on hand.Inline image 5 Here are my reasons to smile: Sharing family stories after dinner. It’s rare when all six of us are together for a meal. Next week, on Thanksgiving Day, will be one of those times. More than the food or the football, I’m looking forward to the time when the meal is over and my family lingers at the table sharing family stories. Recalling these times with a mix of off-beat humor and true nostalgia fills our dining room with laughter and brings a thankful smile to everyone in our home. The feeling after a workout. OK, I’m not smiling as I head to the fitness center at 5:00 am. But afterwards, as I’m driving home, it feels good to know I did something that fills me up with confidence and may help me bank a few extra years to keep smiling. A moment of self awareness. Every now and then the dots become connected for me. Something I didn’t see in myself, or realize, is made perfectly clear. These surprising moments of self awareness fill my heart with strength and put a smile of reassurance on my face.Inline image 3 An unexpected email from Mary Beth. When my wife’s email address pops into my inbox, I feel like a fifth grader discovering a love note from the cutest 10-year-old girl on the planet. I feel the smile begin to grow from left ear all the way over to my right ear as I open the email and read her special message. A Venti Starbucks coffee with room. There’s no doubt about it: Starbucks sells community, not coffee. My morning stops offer me the chance to see familiar faces with smiles more robust than the coffee. My reaction to smile back is spontaneous and genuine. Receiving a personal message from someone who read one of my articles. I write for many reasons. One reason is because I want to impact other peoples’ lives in a meaningful way. When I hear from someone who has been touched by the words offered, I can’t hold back my smile because I’m thankful to be living on purpose.Inline image 4 A tied score late in a Kansas City Royals’ baseball game. The Royals haven’t been exactly tearing it up the past few years. On the nights when the score is close and my team has a chance to win, the energy in the stadium is on fire. I love this feeling. It feels like victory is possible regardless of past performance. Hope makes me smile. When my children get back home safe and sound. The other afternoon when my son arrived home, he told me a schoolmate was killed in a car accident earlier in the day. Our conversation made me remember the night s when Mary Beth and I and will be in that state somewhere between sleep and consciousness so we can hear the turn of the doorknob on the front door. Hearing our children arrive home, unharmed and alive, always settles my mind brings a smile of contentment that stays with me until I surrender to sleep. Inline image 2 10 Enduring Ways to Keep Smiling No matter what makes you smile or how you define happiness for yourself, there are certain universal and time-proven strategies to bring more happiness, and smiles, into your life. The following 10 ways to keep smiling can be adapted and even customized to fit your needs. Over time, these strategies will become positive and life-changing habits that will begin to bring more happiness, joy and reasons to smile into your life.Inline image 7 Notice What’s Right. Some of us see the glass as being half-full, while others see the glass as half-empty. The next time you are caught in traffic, begin thinking how nice it is to have a few moments to reflect on the day, focus on a problem you have been trying to solve, or brainstorm on your next big idea. Take all that life throws out you and reframe it with what’s right about the situation. At the end of the day, you will more content, at peace and happy. Take the time to smile and begin to notice what’s right and see the world change in front of your eyes. Be Grateful. How many times do you say the words “thank you,” in a day? How many times do you hear these same words? If you are doing the first thing, saying the “thank yous,” the latter will naturally happen. Learn to be grateful and you will be open to receive an abundance of joy, happiness and smiles – which will be a pleasure to return. Remember the Kid You Were. Do you remember how to play? I’m not referring to playing a round of golf or a set of tennis. I’m talking about playing like you did when you were a child – a game of tag; leap frog, or street baseball when the bat is a broken broom handle and the bases are the parked cars. One way to find a reason to smile is to remember the kid you were and play!Inline image 6 Spend Time with Your Friends. Although an abundant social and romantic life does not guarantee bliss, it does have a huge impact on our happiness. Learn to spend time and smile with your friends and then make these friendships a priority in your life. Savour Every Moment. To be in the moment is to live in the moment. Too often we are thinking ahead or looking ahead to the next event or circumstance in our lives, not appreciating the “here and now.” When we savor every moment, we are savoring the happiness in our lives and finding the reasons right before us to smile. Move! The expression a “runner’s high” does not infer an addiction, but a feeling or a state of mind – a state of euphoria. There is no question exercise, or any physical exertion, elevates your mood and enhances a more positive attitude as well as fosters better personal self-esteem and confidence. Indeed, one way to keep smiling is to move. Put on a Happy Face. Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it. I’m not suggesting that we not be honest, real or authentic, but I’m suggesting, sometimes, we just need to put on our best smile and keep moving forward. Researchers claim that smiling and looking like we are happy will indeed make us happier. Studies further show that if we act like we are happy then we can experience greater joy and happiness in our lives. Finding Your Calling. Some find meaning in religion or spirituality while others find purpose in their work or relationships. Finding your calling may be much more than accomplishing one simple strategy for increasing your happiness, but having a sense of purpose – of feeling like you are here for a reason – may create the best reason of all to smile.Inline image 8 Get into the Flow. Flow is the form of joy, excitement and happiness that occurs when we are so absorbed in an activity we love that we can lose ourselves and time seems to stand still. What creates flow is unique to each one of us. To find and sustain true happiness in our lives, we must get off the sidelines and get into the flow. When we do, the smiles will soon be flowing, too. Don’t Over Do It. Know when to say when. What provides happiness and causes you to smile the first time may not work the second time. Too much of a good thing may begin not to feel as good if the “thing” becomes more of a routine, or an expectation. Set healthy and reasonable boundaries for yourself and don’t overdo it. Share this post! PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD. SHARE THIS POST! Alex Blackwell is the Founder of The BridgeMaker. His book, Saying Yes to Change, is now available through Amazon.

Neuroplasticity, Change the way you tthink

Let's Live Nice
Neuroplasticity Changing our Belief about Change
A dangerous belief in our culture is that we can't change. We've all heard the disempowered statements: "He's just grumpy. He can't change that." or "I will always be anxious. It's the way I was born." While we most certainly have genetic predispositions, the brains of individuals' young and old can change in amazing ways.
Neuroplasticity is a fancy way of saying that our brains can change. We are not victims of our neurons or genes. We are empowered creators of our mental states. The erroneous belief that we are "set in stone" can stop people from trying to change and take away their responsibility. In the same way that germ theory altered the way we look at sanitation and hygiene, I think that spreading the knowledge about our brain's ability to change can alter the way our culture approaches emotions, attitudes, and values.
Our brains can change.
Our brains are made up of billions of neurons. Neurons connect to one another, forming pathways that relay information. We learn things by forming neural connections in response to associations in our everyday experiences1. In learning to drive a car, we experience the connection between red traffic lights and pressing the brake. We form a neural pathway for this association. Each time we brake at a red light, we reinforce and strengthen the neural pathway. As the saying goes, "Neurons that fire together, wire together." The more we practice something, the more we strengthen the pathway, and the easier the skill becomes. Our behavioral response can become almost automatic2. Our brain can also prune old neural pathways to quiet or unlearn associations3. For example, after you move to a different home, you learn the directions to your new place and stop practicing your old path. But in those first few weeks after a move, have you ever found yourself engrossed in another thought and accidentally pulling into the driveway of your old home because your automatic pathway took over? Luckily, by refraining from the old directions and practicing the new way home, you strengthen a new neural pathway and the old neural pathway weakens. It's a good thing our brains can change, or we would still be pulling up to our childhood home. Similar to physical skills like driving, the brain also forms neural pathways in learning and practicing emotional skills. Your emotional responses to experiences in your world are the result of well-worn neural pathways that developed over your lifetime. While our genes influence our temperament, research has demonstrated that our environment and our own mind can physically alter our brains and thus our emotional responses. This means that emotions that we want more of in our life and our world, like happiness, patience, tolerance, compassion, and kindness, can be practiced and learned as skills. Other emotions, like anxiety, stress, fear, or anger, can be dampened3.
Keeping in the car motif, let's talk about an emotional association: traffic and anger. When we get stuck in traffic, an automatic response can be anger or frustration. But, by feeling angry every time we are in traffic, we are strengthening that neural pathway and cementing that emotional response. When there is nothing we can do in that moment but accept the traffic, wouldn't it be great to feel positive emotions instead? We can just observe the negative emotion that we are feeling and try practicing a different emotional response. We can start linking traffic with stillness and peace. This would be difficult at first because we want to let the well-developed neural pathway leading to anger fire, but by inhibiting that pathway, we help unwire those connections and strengthen a different response. As we practice responding with peace, we strengthen a new neural pathway and it becomes easier to choose.
Using neuroimaging, researchers have demonstrated significant success in reducing anxiety, depression, phobia, and stress with cognitive-behavioral therapy or interpersonal psychotherapy. By learning different strategies to recognize negative thoughts and emotions and practice alternative responses over time, neural pathways in the brain are physically altered4. Science has only recently recognized the value of investing in research on behaviors that promote well-being, including compassion and happiness. By comparing the brains of experts and novices in compassion meditation, neuroscientists illustrated changes in the brain region responsible for empathy during and after meditation5. Researchers are just beginning to examine the effect of training novices in skills to increase compassion. While interventions have demonstrated positive impacts on emotional states6,7 and prosocial behaviors7,8, we look to future studies to determine alterations in the structure and function of the brain in novices who undergo contemplative and emotional training. Let's learn and practice compassion, kindness, and happiness. Knowing that our brains can change, we then ask, what do we want in our brains? And as a result, what do we want in our world? Most people of good will yearn for happiness, compassion, and love. Let's start practicing. Gratitude reflections, compassion priming, and meditation interventions are some strategies found to enhance well-being and increase prosocial behavior. Several studies have shown the positive impact of gratitude journals, which involve self-guided listing of what you are thankful for. Individuals who kept a daily gratitude journal reported higher levels of positive emotions, including feeling attentive, determined, energetic, enthusiastic, excited, interested, joyful, and strong, compared to individuals who kept a journal on daily hassles or ways in which one was better off than others (downward social comparison). In addition, individuals who maintained daily gratitude journals were more likely to offer emotional support to others and help someone with a problem7. Contemplative interventions, born from the collaboration of meditation traditions and emotion science, have centered on developing mindfulness to enhance compassion and happiness in the lives of individuals. One recent study provided an 8-week training program in secular meditation to female schoolteachers and measured their responses to stress, conflict, and compassion. The intervention significantly reduced rumination, depression, and anxiety while increasing mindfulness, empathy, compassion, and stabilizing hostility and contempt compared to a control group6. In my experience, learning about the concept of neuroplasticity and finding the skills to change my emotional responses has immensely improved my life. Before grasping this, I thought my mind was a black box. I didn't understand why I felt certain things beyond the immediate external circumstances. I had no idea how to change things. I scoffed at seeing a therapist because I couldn't imagine what they would help me with. I had no idea what I would even say to a therapist. Luckily, the good ones can help you understand your mind and the process of change. You don't even have to know where to start; the decision to change is enough. The practice of meditation gave me the set of skills to guide my own transformation. It has been the most life altering skill that I have gained. I shifted from thinking that my emotion and thoughts owned me to feeling like I could play a role in changing my state. This is challenging work and takes patient practice, but as I am experiencing the fruits of these skills, peaceful relationships, a joyful outlook on life, and a safe harbor within myself during difficult times, I am determined to work even harder.
Neuroscience, positive psychology, and contemplative traditions have given us a roadmap. We know our brains can change based on our environment and our behaviors. What if we started building and reinforcing the neural pathways of love, cooperation, forgiveness, and kindness so that these things became our automatic response? What if we adopted and shared this belief that we can change and took responsibility for our outlook on life? What if we taught children in schools about their ability to reflect on and guide their emotions? What if we started priming those around us in our families and community with our own grateful reflections and kind actions? What if our compassionate actions in schools, families, and communities started shifting our culture? I find these possibilities exhilarating and hopeful. By learning and practicing these positive emotional responses, I think our world can discover a new way home and pull into the driveway of compassion.

Develop a Positive attitude

Heavy rains remind us of challenges in life. Never ask for a lighter rain. Just pray for a better umbrella. That is attitude. When flood comes, fish eat ants & when flood recedes, ants eat fish.Only time matters. Just hold on, God gives opportunity to everyone! Life is not about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship, it's not how we care in the beginning, but how much we care till ending. Some people always throw stones in your path. It depends on you what you make with them, Wall or Bridge? Remember you are the architect of your life. Every problem has (n+1) solutions, where n is the number of solutions that you have tried and 1 is that you have not tried. That's life. Its not important to hold all the good cards in life. But its important how well you play with the cards which you hold. Often when we lose all hope & think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, `Relax dear its just a bend. Not the end'. Have Faith and have a successful life. When you feel sad, to cheer up just go to the mirror and say, `Damn I am really so cute` and you will overcome your sadness. But don't make this a habit coz liars go to hell. One of the basic differences between God and human is, God gives, gives and forgives. But human gets, gets, gets and forgets. Be thankful in life! Only two types of persons are happy in this world. 1st is Mad and 2nd is Child. Be Mad to achieve what you desire and be a Child to enjoy what you have achieved.

Sitting is Killing

This too shall pass

Once a king called upon all of his wise men and asked them, ” Is there a mantra or suggestion which works in every situation, in every circumstances, in every place and in every time. In every joy, every sorrow, every defeat and every victory? One answer for all questions? Something which can help me when none of you is available to advise me? Tell me is there any mantra?” All the wise men were puzzled by the King’s question. They thought and thought. After a lengthy discussion, an old man suggested something which appealed to all of them. They went to the king and gave him something written on paper, with a condition that the king was not to see it out of curiosity. Only in extreme danger, when the King finds himself alone and there seems to be no way, only then he can see it. The King put the papers under his Diamond ring. Some time later, the neighbors attacked the Kingdom. King and his army fought bravely but lost the battle. The King had to flee on his horse. The enemies were following him. getting closer and closer. Suddenly the King found himself standing at the end of the road - that road was not going anywhere. Underneath there was a rocky valley thousand feet deep. If he jumped into it, he would be finished…and he could not return because it was a small road…the sound of enemy’s horses was approaching fast. The King became restless. There seemed to be no way. Then suddenly he saw the Diamond in his ring shining in the sun, and he remembered the message hidden in the ring. He opened the diamond and read the message. The message was - ” THIS TOO SHALL PASS” The King read it . Again read it. Suddenly something struck him- Yes ! This too will pass. Only a few days ago, I was enjoying my kingdom. I was the mightiest of all the Kings. Yet today, the Kingdom and all his pleasure have gone. I am here trying to escape from enemies. Like those days of luxuries have gone, this day of danger too will pass. A calm came on his face. He kept standing there. The place where he was standing was full of natural beauty. He had never known that such a beautiful place was also a part of his Kingdom. The revelation of the message had a great effect on him. He relaxed and forgot about those following him. After a few minutes he realized that the noise of the horses and the enemy coming was receding. They moved into some other part of the mountains and were nowhere near him. The King was very brave. He reorganized his army and fought again. He defeated the enemy and regained his empire. When he returned to his empire after victory, he was received with much fanfare. The whole capital was rejoicing in the victory. Everyone was in a festive mood. Flowers were being showered on King from every house, from every corner. People were dancing and singing. For a moment King said to himself,” I am one of the bravest and greatest King. It is not easy to defeat me. With all the reception and celebration he saw an ego emerging in him. Suddenly the Diamond of his ring flashed in the sunlight and reminded him of the message. He open it and read it again: “THIS TOO SHALL PASS”. He became silent. His face went through a total change - from the egoist he moved to a state of utter humbleness. If this too is going to pass, it is not yours. The defeat was not yours, the victory is not yours. You are just a watcher. Everything passes by. We are witnesses of all this. We are the perceivers. Life comes and goes. Happiness comes and goes. Sorrow comes and goes. Now as you have read this story, just sit silently and evaluate your own life. This too will pass. Think of the moments of joy and victory in your life. Think of the moment of Sorrow and defeat. Are they permanent ? They all come and pass away. Life just passes away. There is nothing permanent in this world. Every thing changes except the law of change. Think over it from your own perspective. You have seen all the changes. You have survived all setbacks, all defeats and all sorrows. All have passed away. The problems in the present, they too will pass away. Because nothing remains forever. Joy and sorrow are the two faces of the same coin. They both will pass away. You are just a witness of change. Experience it, understand it, and enjoy the present moment. ”THIS TOO SHALL PASS”

More couples in 20s and 30s call it quits

More couples in 20s and 30s call it quits
Fri May 25, 2012 1:14 am (PDT)

More couples in 20s and 30s call it quits ....Madhavi Rajadhyaksha Vanishing Stigma Spurs Trend: Counsellors The average age of couples seeking divorce appears to be dropping from 40s and 50s a decade ago to late 20s and early 30s today, say marriage counsellors. The fact that divorce no longer carries a stigma in cities such as Mumbai facilitates the decision of unhappy young couples, say social observers. Flipping through his list of clients, marriage counsellor Sunjoy Mukherji, who practises in Borivli, says nearly 65% of those considering separation or divorce are in the 28 to 32 age group. Often, they have been married for less than a year-some as short as a fortnight-before they consider separating. Formal divorce, though, may take much longer as the law, till now, required a period of separation from six months to 18 months, and actual disposal, longer. There were, after all, 6,908 divorce petitions pending with the family court as of December 31, 2011. "Couples who acknowledge a problematic relationship often want to separate while they have age on their side. Also, since the stigma associated with divorce has reduced, youngsters are less afraid to part ways," says Mukherji. Sociologists also point out that money and independence, factors that shape an individual's decision-making ability, come much earlier today. Counsellors say changing parental attitude, too, helps. "Today, even a girl's parents are very supportive of divorce," says clinical psychologist Seema Hingorany. The presence of parents with their troubled daughters at counsellors' clinics is one of the biggest signs of this change. S Parasuraman, director at the Tata Institute of Social Sciences, concurs and says that youngsters who have a good network often find it easier to transcend from one status to another. Hingorany says it is a telling sign of a generation in a hurry. "Most youngsters live by the belief that life is short. Many are not even willing to go through the counselling marital protocol." Counsellors cite rising expectations, incompatibility, extra-marital affairs, overseas opportunities and clashes over in-laws as major reasons. MUTUAL DIVORCE IN THE CITY * Section 13B of the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, and Section 28 of the Special Marriage Act, 1954, provide for divorce by mutual consent * Legislation allows either party to withdraw their divorce by mutual consent application within six to 18 months of its filing * The Cabinet last week approved the Marriage Laws (Amendment) Bill, 2010, to further amend the Hindu Marriage Act and the Special Marriage Act * It gives individual judges the right to waive or decide the waiting period if both the husband and wife agree URL: http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Default/Scripting/ArticleWin.asp?From=Archive&Source=Page&Skin=TOINEW&BaseHref=TOIM/2012/05/24&PageLabel=7&EntityId=Ar00701&ViewMode=HTML Working women end marriages that don't work....Madhavi Rajadhyaksha Mumbai: "Urban Indian society is showing a welcome maturity towards understanding relationships," says TISS director S Parasuraman. "Such maturity usually comes with education and employment and the independence that both bring," he says. It is the practicality of the legal process that could be driving the trend, says Rajan Bhonsale, marriage counsellor and KEM hospital's head of sexual medicine department. "Mutual consent divorces take place faster and couples are beginning to realize the futility of contesting a divorce if their relationship isn't going to work out anyway." Youngsters today are quick to take decisions and are not bound by tradition to stay in a marriage, he says. Counsellors point out that women who have inde- pendent careers and are professionally successful may be less dependent on the financial support of their partners, which could also contribute to such mutual decisions. The Union cabinet further facilitated the process by approving changes to the Marriage Act and allowing waiver of the waiting period required for divorce under mutual consent, if both the husband and wife wish so. The law till now mandated a six-month cooling period for couples before divorce could be granted. Some women activists, though, fear that quicker divorces may work against women, particularly if it involves custody of children. Marriage counsellor Sunjoy Mukerji says that the increasing availability of marriage counsellors today may be a contributing factor in mitigating the bitterness of relationships gone sour. Mutual divorce, he says, is all about two parties negotiating to reach a consensus. Take the experience of Radhika Pant and Girish Shirodkar, both MBA professionals in their late 20s who were dating since college. They knew each other for over a decade but called off their marriage mutually a year after tying the knot. Radhika, who got a year-long overseas work opportunity, returned from her stint only to discover that she wanted more out of life. As she has great affection and respect for him, she sat through prolonged couple counselling, till they both reached a stage of acceptance. They filed for a mutual divorce last year. (Names of the couple have been changed on request) URL: http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Default/Scripting/ArticleWin.asp?From=Archive&Source=Page&Skin=TOINEW&BaseHref=TOIM/2012/05/24&PageLabel=7&EntityId=Ar00103&DataChunk=Ar00703&ViewMode=HTML

15 things you must give up to be happy

15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel. “By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that. “The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart

5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly! “A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it. “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place. “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real. Inline image 3Inline image 4

13. Give up the past I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path. source: www.purposefairy.com

How to say no without being fired-Wall street journal

Saying “no” is never easy, especially when the person you’re addressing is your boss. An employee is typically confounded by a series of unnerving questions before uttering the word. Is “no” even an option? Will it jeopardize the relationship I share with my boss? Will this cost me my job, or at least some career prospects? “An outright ‘no’ to seniors has long been seen as a taboo in Indian culture,” explains Mukund Menon, who heads the India and Singapore human resources divisions of information technology firm Steria. As a result, employees feel compelled to undertake assigned tasks, when perhaps they may lack the technical expertise for the project, or in the process, compromise on additional responsibilities. The outcome: the team suffers. “Saying no is an art which has to be developed over time,” says Sachin Tikekar, chief of people operations at KPIT Cummins Infosystems Ltd. While human resources experts concur there is no magic formula to getting it right, here are a few tips that could be useful: Take an Informed Decision: Evaluate why you’re refusing a particular project. Is it fear of failure? Lack of adequate training? Or, perhaps, ineffective time-management? “Let your manager know where the ‘no’ is coming from,” says Mr. Tikekar of KPIT Cummins. Unless you spell out your concerns, your seniors won’t address them, he adds. But here’s the catch: approach your manager only after you’ve weighed the pros and cons of the situation yourself. Your decision may backfire if it’s not validated by reasonable facts, Mr. Menon of Steria explains. For instance, you can’t dodge a location transfer citing complacency. Objectively put forward the consequences it could have for your family, or perhaps outline what makes you a valuable asset at your current location, Mr. Menon adds. An informed ‘no,’ always scores over an impulsive decision, agrees M.S. Venkatesh, human resources head at education solutions provider Educomp Solutions Ltd. Play Smart with Words: You’ve identified what’s making you balk. What next? A thoughtful and carefully worded response, say experts. While approaching your boss, “the word ‘no’ should not be used at all,” says Ravi Dasgupta, group head of human resources at biopharmaceutical firm Biocon Ltd. Thiruvengadam P, senior director of Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu India Pvt. Ltd. agrees. “No is a very strong weapon which should be used as rarely as possible,” he argues. Wording your response is key…. Be assertive without being rude.” For instance, if you’re swamped with three projects and allotted a fourth, how do you effectively refuse? If time is a factor, respond by saying: “I don’t think I’ll be able to do justice in the limited time-frame available for the project,” Mr. Thiruvengadam explains. On the other hand, if an employee feels he lacks technical expertise for an assigned task, he could respond saying: “I may just belittle the team’s output by contributing to it.” Words like “I request you to please consider,” or “do you believe we could” can also work a charm, particularly with seniors who are less receptive to taking ‘no’ for an answer, Mr. Thiruvengadam suggests. But playing with the right words is not enough: make your body language work to your advantage. “You may have used all the right words but if you’re slouching on your desk while delivering them, it won’t work,” cautions Mr. Thiruvengadam. Float Alternatives: Some experts outline another approach: don’t disagree with your manager. Instead, propose an alternative. The key, however, lies in an employee’s ability to “influence” his manager, argues Mr. Venkatesh of Educomp. “Understand what sells for your boss and mold your alternative around it….make him see how your proposal is best for the team.” For instance, if you don’t see eye-to-eye with your manager’s marketing model, float proposals which are more cost-effective or can potentially capture a larger market segment. By doing so, you “present a counterview without making it sound like one,” notes Mr. Dasgupta of Biocon. Further, you earn Brownie points for brainstorming, he adds. Now let’s put the shoe on the other foot. If an employee has graciously refused a task, how can a manager effectively tackle the situation? Know your team: Don’t fret over a ‘no,’ say human resources experts. Instead, picture yourself in an employee’s shoes and identify the root cause behind the reluctance. “Most managers don’t spend quality time with their subordinates,” says Mr. Thiruvengadam of Deloitte. “That’s where they lose out,” he adds. Mr. Dasgupta of Biocon agrees. Rather than imposing ideas on your team, invite them to chalk out their tasks and responsibilities, he explains. By doing so, a manager can gauge inclinations and interests shared by each team member and thereby effectively delegate responsibilities in the future. Use ‘No’ to Your Advantage: A smart manager views “no” as an opportunity to “coach, mentor and train” his employees, notes Mr. Tikekar of KPIT Cummins. Rather than seeing ‘no’ as an end, perceive it as a means to work on your subordinate’s weakness, he adds. Do you have ideas of how best to say no to your boss? Please leave them in the Comments.

Walk to stimulate all your body's organs

Keep Walking footchart.jpg picture by arti810
Keep Walking.....
The Organs of your body have their sensory touches at the bottom of your foot, if you massage these points you will find relief from aches and pains as you can see the heart is on the left foot. Typically they are shown as points and arrows to show which organ it connects to. It is indeed correct since the nerves connected to these organs terminate here. This is covered in great details in Acupressure studies God created our body so well that he thought of even this. He made us walk so that we will always be pressing these pressure points and thus keeping these organs activated at all times. So, keep walking..

An 8 year old's idea of GOD...likely to put us all to shame

This is beautiful 8 YR OLD'S EXPLANATION OF GOD I certainly don't think an adult could explain this more beautifully! It was written by an 8-year-old named Danny Dutton, who lives in Chula Vista, CA. He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to 'explain God.' I wonder if any of us could have done as well? (And he had such an assignment, in California, and someone published it, I guess miracles do happen!) EXPLANATION OF GOD: 'One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.' 'God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people,like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.' 'God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.' 'Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.' 'Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God.They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him. But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.' 'His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.' 'You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.' 'You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God!' 'Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.' 'If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.' 'But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases. And...that's why I believe in God.'

Cultivate a healthy approach to life-feed the right wolf

Creating Your Best Life by Feeding the Right Wolf by Jonathan Heywood__________________________________________________ An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority; and the other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.” The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one we feed.” The simplicity and truth of this advice almost took my breath away. And it started me thinking about how I could pay more attention to feeding the right wolf. After all, you can’t just set out a bowl of food and hope the good wolf eats and the bad one stays away. have to have a plan. How to Stop Feeding the Wrong Wolf In order to minimize the part of your day spent feeding your negative emotions, try these simple tips: Anger & Resentment When you feel these emotions bearing down on you, count to ten. Backwards. In another language. The more complicated the better, because it will take you even longer and you’ll have more time to get a leash on your anger. Take five deep breaths (not so deep you inhale the dust bunnies though!). As you exhale, anger loping off down the hill, never to return again. Practice “distraction theory.” Every time you feel yourself about to let your anger get the better of you, distract yourself with something silly, like blowing bubbles, honking a bicycle horn, or imagining yourself as Little Red Riding Hood. Little eruptions of anger will usually pass by if you don’t pay them any attention. Go for a walk. Walking away gives you physical distance from your emotions, as well as providing you time to cool off. Just be sure to leave some breadcrumbs behind if you need a long hike! If you feel slighted by someone, rather than building up resentment, compliment that person sincerely on something you admire about them. You’ll feel better about yourself and perhaps she’ll act more humanely towards you the next time. Envy & Self Pity Next time you feel the green-eyed beast raring its ugly head, make a list of ten things have in your life that you’re really thankful for. Start with your pack (family & friends!) If that isn’t enough to stop your envy, try making a list of the disadvantages of possessing the thing you’re longing for. For example, that new car your neighbour just drove home means higher monthly bills for insurance, more money for gas, constant worry that a big wolf will scratch the door in a parking lot, etc. Stop crying wolf. The language we use when thinking about our lives helps shape our perspective. If your inner voice always says things like “Why does this always happen to me?” or “I never have any luck,” you create a sense of self pity that does nothing but make you miserable. Try changing at least one of your regular negative thoughts to something more upbeat, even if it’s just “Things could be worse.” Sorrow Howl at the moon. Too often when bad things happen in our lives, we put on a happy face and try to move on too quickly. Give yourself time to vent your feelings so that you can move past them. But remind yourself that you will move past them – you always do. Travel in packs. One of the best ways to let go of your tears is to hang out with your favourite friends. Make sure you schedule regular outings with the people who make you happy. Sorrow feeds in the darkness, so get out into the bright light of day. Open the curtains, turn on the lights, or better yet, get outside and feel the sun on your face. On your next good day, write a positive note to yourself to read the next time you feel like whimpering and hiding in a cave. Be sure not to bury it somewhere you can’t find it! Regret & Guilt Life is all about making choices and whenever you choose one path through the woods, you choose not to follow another. Imagine how silly it would be to regret or feel guilty about every choice you’ve made in life that didn’t turn out like you wanted (“Darn, I should have parted my hair on the left side this morning!”) Wild animals don’t waste time on regret – you shouldn’t either. Sing the blues. Write a silly blues song about things you regret doing or not doing in your past. How about the “I Wish I Hadn’t Called My Boss ‘Queen of Denial’ When Was Within Earshot Blues?” Then sing it to your family. If your dog howls along, even better! If you notice a pattern between certain things you do and feelings of guilt, stop doing those things! Call your mother. Send birthday cards out on time. Quit trying to pass off store bought cookies as homemade at the school bake sale. Just attach a note that, The fire department says I shouldn’t be allowed in the kitchen ever again.” Greed The next time you feel yourself wanting MORE, MORE, MORE, leave your comfortable den and go spend some time with someone who has less. There’s nothing like a fresh of perspective to make you happy with what you have. Often the best way to stop greed in its tracks is to give some of the things you have that you no longer use away. Next time you are about to spend money on things you don’t really need just because you saw them in a store or catalogue, rummage through your closet or attic for anything you can take to your favourite local charity. Get out your phone or digital camera and take pictures of at least five things you thought you absolutely had to have that ended up hidden away in a closet or covered with spiders in the garage. Put the photos on the refrigerator with a sign that says “The Hall of Greed & Shame.” Arrogance, False Pride, & Superiority Most of us don’t consider ourselves arrogant, but we hold arrogant beliefs. For example, do you think that college graduates are smarter than blue-collar workers? Do you believe that it’s a better use of your time to chat with your boss during your break than a secretary? to identify your own arrogant thoughts and challenge them daily. Whenever you feel better than someone else, remember that in other circumstances, that person may be superior to you. For example, you may be great at math, but lousy at singing karaoke. We all have our own talents and skills. If you regularly find yourself boasting and feeling superior, do things you’re really bad at to remind yourself of your limitations. Give someone else credit for something good you’ve done. And never take it back. Inferiority & Lies Do you tell little white lies to make yourself feel better? Are your kids are the best soccer players ever to play the game? Did you get a perfect score on your exams way back ? Correct one lie this week you’ve been perpetuating for a long time and see if the truth doesn’t make you feel like howling in relief. We often make ourselves feel inferior by creating a false image of someone we admire. Stop holding your tail between your legs and cowering. Remember, we’re all human and even those people you most admire have their own faults and self doubts. Next time you compare yourself to someone and feel inferior, call a friend who thinks you hung the moon. Take out your driver’s license and read your age and weight. Laugh. Now pledge that next time you get your license renewed, you’ll tell the truth and nothing but the truth. Feeding the Right Wolf Now that you’ve learned some techniques for keeping the bad wolf away, here are some ways to invite the good wolf into your life: Joy Start your day frisky by waking up with a song on your lips. Pick a joyful tune to sing, hum, or whistle. Some possibilities: Let The Sun Shine In by the Beatles, Twas a Sunny Day by Paul Simon, Keep on the Sunny Side by The Whites (from the O Brother, Where Aren’t Thou soundtrack.) Wolf-whistle your approval. Acknowledging the accomplishments of others loudly and often will bring them joy, and a world with more joy in it is a much better place for everyone. Show your teeth, in a good way, by smiling at least once an hour. A smile invites people into your life who want to share your joy (and usually scares away those with Irritable Scowl Syndrome!) Post this quote by Carlos Castaneda where you can see it every day: “We either make ourselves strong or we make ourselves miserable. The amount of work is the same.” Always carry hard candy in one pocket and dog treats in the other. That way someone will always be overjoyed to see you. Peace Refuse to believe that it’s a dog-eat-dog world. Opt instead to believe in a world where mother wolves take in other cubs and raise them as their own. Set an example by doing something wolf motherly today. Remember there’s a difference between play-fighting and real fighting. Only bare your teeth when you really have to. Be a peaceful animal this week. Don’t kill any member of any species you find inside your home (ants, spiders, dust bunnies…) Either live and let live or start a relocation program. Join an organization committed to waging peace on earth such as Amnesty International (www.amnesty.org), Stop The Violence/Increase the Peace (www.stoptheviolence-ca.org), Increase Peace (www.peaceinc.org). Love Play with your cubs. Nothing speaks love to children like spending time with them. Mark your territory by doing something heartfelt for everyone you love this week. A phone call, a foot rub, a squeak toy (for the dog or cat, not your grandma, although who knows, she might enjoy it too), can be all it takes to let them know how you feel. Do one thing today that you really don’t enjoy, but that someone will love you for doing. Take out the trash, balance the cheque book, clean out the iguana’s ears… Actions speak love louder than words. Make a list of five things you can love about a person you consider unlovable. Put it in your wallet so next time that person turns into a werewolf, you can pull it out just in the nick of time and respond with love. Hope Foster an attitude of hope by choosing to see the good in everyone and the potential for good in everything that happens, good or bad. Just as we humans used to believe wolves were dangerous and evil until we acknowledged their beauty and importance, we can also change our opinions about others. Create a “Hope Chest.” Take a small box (a shoe box will do) and fill it with clippings of stories that give you hope, such as children raising money for the hungry or someone stopping to rescue a stray animal. Take out your box whenever you feel disheartened and hopeless. Give someone the gift of hope by encouraging his or her dreams. If your daughter dreams of dancing the ballet, buy her toe shoes. If your best friend dreams of becoming a major league baseball player, get her a cup! Humility Learn to apologize sincerely and often. Saying “I’m sorry” can be as difficult for us humans as learning to fly would be for a wolf. But the inability to apologize when we are wrong or just obstinate and argumentative) can create rifts in relationships than can take months to heal. Next time you receive kind words for a job well done, or better yet, an award of some kind, sure to howl the praises of everyone who helped you with the accomplishment. Think of it as your night at the Oscars! Identify one person you’re no longer going to try to impress. It’s a lot of work trying to run around like a wolf in sheep’s clothing (or a sheep in wolf’s clothing!) Stop trying to convince your mother-in-law you’re a good cook. Or acting as if you like football just to fit in with the guys. When you accept yourself for who you are, it becomes easier to accept others as well. Kindness Leave your mark behind. When you go out to eat and your waiter or waitress does an extraordinary job (and they often do, we just fail to notice), leave a larger tip and a note thanking them. The money will be spent much sooner than the words of appreciation. Go to a bookstore this week and buy a book that inspires you to be a better person. Buy two copies and leave one at the front desk with instructions that the next person in line gets it for free. Don’t wait for a full moon to donate blood. Don’t invade your neighbour’s territory. Instead of using a leaf blower (which is ranked by most people as one of the most obnoxious and un-neighbourly devices on earth), rake by hand. Use a people-powered mower instead of a gas mower. You’ll not only be more neighbourly, you’ll get your exercise without having to pay for a gym membership. Benevolence & Generosity Sign up to be an organ donor. Donating your vital organs when you no longer need them is one of the most generous things you can do in life (and beyond.) Rewrite your will to include charitable giving when you’re gone. Without charitable trusts, many wildlife preserves wouldn’t exist, schools wouldn’t have new computers, and shelters for abused and neglected children wouldn’t get built. If you don’t have a will, this is the time to write one. It’s really not that scary (except for the part where you have to pay the lawyer for legal services.) My, what big eyes you have – the better to read! Take time to help teach a child or an illiterate adult to read. A commitment to helping someone become literate is a long-lasting gift not only to that person, but also to his or her family and community. Compassion and Empathy Share the spoils – bring a sandwich and cold drink to someone standing on the side of the road with a sign asking for help. And a bag of food for their dog if they have one with them. Be kind to all animals. When you go to the store this week or shop online, choose to purchase only products that haven’t been tested on animals. A good resource to find out which products are compassionate is the NAVS’ booklet Personal Care for People Who Care, available from their website: www.navs.org. Help keep others warm during the winter. If you enjoy going to garage sales, keep an eye out for warm coats, sweaters and blankets you can buy inexpensively. Collect these and donate them this fall to your local homeless shelter or mission. Truth and Faith Spend as much time as you can out in nature. A simple walk in the woods, a day in the garden, or a weekend spent camping out can restore your faith in God and nature. Don’t be a lone wolf – join a congregation. Whether you go to a church, a synagogue, or a regular meeting of people who believe the same things you do, just sharing your beliefs with others can help you deepen your faith and reconnect to your spirituality. Stop waiting for the fairy tale ending. Life is about making every day special, not about sitting around waiting for your fairy godmother to show up and get rid of the wolf at the door. Have faith in yourself and your loved ones instead and you will be rewarded over and over. Stare up at the moon and stars with wonderment and awe. Life is amazing when you take the time to look around. So find yourself a heavenly body or a constellation (how about the Dog Star?) and vow to look for it in the night sky at least once a week in order to remind yourself of the miracle of life. By feeding the right wolf, you not only do you improve your own life, you make the whole planet a better place to live. And if you think you don’t have the time or energy to change your old negative habits, remember it takes just as much time to feed the bad wolf as it does the good.

Keep stress at bay

Gaining confidence through breathing By Steve Hart
l Learning how to breathe properly can help you become more confident and decrease stress. Knowing how to breathe correctly can help people overcome low self-esteem says Clare Trethewey, a breath integration practitioner, whose work includes helping those who feel bullied and stressed at work. _________________ Breath integration is based on yoga, as well as meditation, Taoism and psychology. Photo / Warren BucklandKnowing how to breathe correctly can help people overcome low self-esteem says Clare Trethewey, a breath integration practitioner, whose work includes helping those who feel bullied and stressed at work. She says 90 per cent of what we think about comes from our subconscious and once we can connect with those hidden feelings and understand them, they become insignificant - leading people to feel more self-confident and outgoing. She says: "Fear plays a big part in how people react to situations at work. And when you understand what fear is, and how we create it, then that understanding can be applied to all sorts of situations - not just employment." Trethewey says the first step to overcoming fear and wiping out the feelings of stress is to understand how stress is created. "You have to avoid thoughts such as 'how am I going to cope', 'they won't want me' or 'I'll probably get it wrong' because these are self-sabotaging thoughts," she says. "These are the thoughts that are going to cause you stress because they are judgemental thoughts - that we may not be good enough for the job and that puts pressure on ourselves. "These types of thoughts focus on what 'might' happen. If you focus on what you don't want, then that's what you'll get. "And that causes fear because you are thinking about the worst possible thing that could happen. That could include being shown up, being exposed, being made to look like an idiot at work. If that's what you are thinking about then you will become nervous, worried and tense." _____________________________ _____________________________ Trethewey says thoughts such as these cause people to create feelings that make them feel uncomfortable, can overwhelm them and make people panic causing them to hold their breath and lead to shallow breathing. "Then you feel stressed, powerless and victimised by what you are telling yourself might happen.' Trethewey calls it the "anxiety of expectation' and says it is caused by people focusing on their perception of how they are viewed by work colleagues, rather than how they want to come across at work. "People do not show their emotions. You see it all the time. People will put their hand over their mouth when they are upset to stifle their natural emotion and feelings, and deep down it slowly builds up," says Trethewey. "In addition, nervousness and anxiety are created by what people tell themselves. If they can stand back they will see their true selves and cut through that self-imposed boundary.' She says a technique called 'breath integration' is a way for people to find their inner confidence and to feel much more comfortable with themselves - and to perhaps understand why they feel like victims when they get out of bed in the morning. Breath integration has not been scientifically proved to help people, but it has gained popularity on the back of anecdotal evidence and on the word of its founder - New Zealander Colin Sisson who has written a book about his 'discovery'. Trethewey was taught breath integration by Sisson and has been a breath integration practitioner for five years. She says that the technique is based on yoga, meditation, Taoism and psychology. During sessions with her clients Trethewey helps people bring their anxieties to the surface and then "breathe through them'. "When we relax and exhale we allow the feeling and the experience to flow through and it dissolves - then the feeling of fear or stress goes.' She says just because people may not give credibility to their feelings, it doesn't mean they are not there. "Slowly those feelings overwhelm people," says Trethewey. "If you are feeling nervous then what's wrong with that? Don't make how you are feeling wrong. Feel it and deal with it and keep breathing. And if you can do that then you will feel better and stronger.' Trethewey says people often feel empowered after one session of breath integration but says that having 10 sessions is normal. "This work is about how we create stress and how to stop doing it. You learn to stop giving your power away and once you understand you are the creator of your feelings then you can feel however you want." ******************************************************* KEEPING STRESS AT BAY Actively choose to pull the inhale in when breathing. Relax the exhale by letting go all control of the exhale. This is meant to be a passive breath. Correct breathing is active - passive, not the other way around. If we are not relaxing the exhale we will create struggle. When we consciously breathe we also eliminate the gaps between the inhale and exhale and then stress begins to leave our body because the balance of the breath is correct. source: nzherald.co.nz

Ageing of our organs

BRAIN Starts ageing at 20 As we get older, the number of nerve cells - or neurons - in the brain decrease. We start with around 100 billion, but in our 20s this number starts to decline. By 40, we could be losing up to 10,000 per day, affecting memory, co-ordination and brain function. In fact, while the neurons are important, it's actually thedeterioration of the gaps between the brain cells that has the biggest impact, says Dr Wojtek Rakowicz, a consultant neurologist at Imperial College Healthcare NHS Trust in London . We all assume grey hair and wrinkles are the first signs of ageing, but some parts of your body are worn out long before you look old. These tiny gaps between the end of one brain nerve cell and another are called synapses. Their job is to ensure the flow of information from one cell to another, and as we age we make fewer.

GUT Starts ageing at 55 A healthy gut has a good balance between harmful and 'friendly' bacteria. But levels of friendly bacteria in the gut drop significantly after 55, particularly in the large intestine, says Tom MacDonald, professor of immunology at Barts And The London medical school. As a result, we suffer from poor digestion and an increased risk of gut disease. Constipation is more likely as we age, as the flow of digestive juices from the stomach, liver, pancreas and small intestine slows down.

BREASTS start ageing at 35 BY their mid-30s, women's breasts start losing tissue and fat, reducing size and fullness. Sagging starts properly at 40 and the areola (the area surrounding the nipple) can shrink considerably.Although breast cancer risk increases with age, it's not related to physical changes in the breast. More likely, says Gareth Evans, breast cancer specialist at St Mary's Hospital, Manchester , our cells become damaged with age - as a result, the genes which control cell growth can mutate, causing cancer.

BLADDER Starts ageing at 65 Loss of bladder control is more likely when you hit 65. The bladder starts to contract suddenly, even when it's not full. Women are more vulnerable to bladder problems as, after the menopause, declining oestrogen levels make tissues in the urethra - the tube through which urine passes - thinner and weaker, reducing bladder support. Bladder capacity in an older adult generally is about half that of a younger person - about two cups in a 30-year-old and one cup in a 70-year-old.This causes more frequent trips to the loo, particularly as poor muscle tone means the bladder may not fully empty. This in turn can lead to urinary tract infections.

LUNGS Start ageing at 20 Lung capacity slowly starts to decrease from the age of 20. By the age of 40, some people are already experiencing breathlessness. This is partly because the muscles and the rib cage which control breathing stiffen up. It's then harder to work the lungs and also means some air remains in the lungs after breathing out - causing breathlessness.Aged 30, the average man can inhale two pints of air in one breath. By 70, it's down to one.

VOICE Starts ageing at 65 Our voices become quieter and hoarser with age. The soft tissues in the voice box (larynx) weaken, affecting the pitch, loudness and quality of the voice. A woman's voice may become huskier and lower in pitch, whereas a man's might become thinner and higher.

EYES start ageing at 40 Glasses are the norm for many over - 40s as failing eyesight kicks in - usually long-sightedness, affecting our ability to see objects up close. As we age, the eye's ability to focus deteriorates because the eyes' muscles become weaker, says Andrew Lotery, professor of ophthalmology at the University of Southampton .

HEART Starts ageing at 40 The heart pumps blood less effectively around the body as we get older. This is because blood vessels become less elastic, while arteries can harden or become blocked because of fatty deposits forming on the coronary arteries - caused by eating too much saturated fat. The blood supply to the heart is then reduced, resulting in painful angina. Men over 45 and women over 55 are at greater risk of a heart attack. A recent study by Lloyds Pharmacy found the average person in the UK has a 'heart age' five years older than their chronological age, probably due to obesity and lack of exercise.

LIVER Starts ageing at 70 This is the only organ in the body which seems to defy the aging process. 'Its cells have an extraordinary capacity to regenerate,' explain David Lloyd, a consultant liver surgeon at Leicester Royal Infirmary.He says he can remove half a liver during surgery and it will grow to the size of a complete liver within three months. If a donor doesn't drink, use drug or suffer from infection, then it is possible to transplant a 70-year-old liver into a 20-year-old.

KIDNEYS Starts ageing at 50 With kidneys, the number of filtering units (nephrons) that remove waste from the bloodstream starts to reduce in middle age. One effect of this is their inability to turn off urine production at night, causing frequent trips to the bathroom. The kidneys of a 75-year-old person will filter only half the amount of blood that a 30-year-old's will.

PROSTATE Starts ageing at 50 The prostate often becomes enlarged with age, leading to problems such as increased need to urinate, says Professor Roger Kirby, director of the Prostate Centre in London . This is known as benign prostatic hyperplasia and affects half of men over 50, but rarely those under 40. It occurs when the prostate absorbs large amounts of the male sex hormone testosterone, which increases the growth of cells in the prostate. A normal prostate is the size of a walnut, but the condition can increase this to the size of a tangerine.

BONES Start ageing at 35 'Throughout our life, old bone is broken down by cells called osteoclasts and replaced by bone-building cells called osteoblasts - a process called bone turnover,' explains Robert Moots, professor of rheumatology at Aintree University Hospital in Liverpool . Children's bone growth is rapid - the skeleton takes just two years to renew itself completely. In adults, this can take ten years. Until our mid-20s, bone density is still increasing. But at 35 bone loss begins as part of the natural ageing process.This becomes more rapid in post-menopausal women and can cause the bone-thinning condition osteoporosis. The shrinking in size and density of bones can lead to loss of height. Bones in the back shrivel up or crumble between the vertebrae. We lose two inches in height by the time we're 80.

TEETH Start ageing at 40 As we age, we produce less saliva, which washes away bacteria, so teeth and gums are more vulnerable to decay. Receding gums - when tissue is lost from gums around the teeth - is common in adults over 40.

MUSCLES Start ageing at 30 Muscle is constantly being built up and broken down, a process which is well balanced in young adults.However, by the time we're 30, breakdown is greater than buildup, explains Professor Robert Moots.Once adults reach 40, they start to lose between 0.5 and 2 per cent of their muscle each year. Regular exercise can help prevent this.

HEARING Starts ageing mid-50s More than half of people over 60 lose hearing because of their age, according to the Royal National Institute for the Deaf. The condition, known as presbycusis, happens due to a loss of 'hair cells' - tiny sensory cells in the inner ear which pick up sound vibrations and send them to the brain.

SKIN Starts ageing mid-20s The skin starts to age naturally in your mid-20s. According to Dr Andrew Wright, a consultant dermatologist with Bradford NHS Trust, as we get older production of collagen - the protein which acts as scaffolding to the skin - slows, and elastin, the substance that enables skin to snap back into place, has less spring and can even break. Dead skin cells don't shed as quickly and turnover of new skin cells may decrease slightly. This causes fine wrinkles and thin, transparent skin - even if the first signs may not appear until our mid-30s (unless accelerated by smoking or sun damage).

TASTE AND SMELL Start ageing at 60 start out in life with about 10,000 taste buds scattered on the tongue. This number can halve later in life. After we turn 60, taste and smell gradually decline, partly as a result of the normal ageing process. This can be accelerated by problems such as polyps in the nasal or sinus cavities. It can also be the cumulative effect of years of smoking.

FERTILITY starts ageing at 35 Female fertility begins to decline after 35, as the number and quality of eggs in the ovaries start to fall.The lining of the womb may become thinner, making it less likely for a fertilised egg to take, and also creating an environment hostile to sperm. Male fertility also starts to drop around this age. Men who wait until their 40s before starting a family have a greater chance of their partner having a miscarriage, because of the poorer quality of their sperm.

HAIR Starts ageing at 30 . Male hair loss usually begins in the 30s. Hair is made in tiny pouches just under the skin's surface, known as follices. A hair normally grows from each follicle for about three years, is then shed, and a new hair grows. However, with male-pattern baldness, changes in levels of testosterone from their early-30s affect this cycle, causing the hair follicles to shrink. Each new hair is thinner than the previous one.. Eventually, all that remains is a much smaller hair follicle and a thin stump of hair that does not grow out to the skin surface. Most people will have some grey hair by the age of 35. When we are young, our hair is coloured by the pigments produced by cells in the hair follicle known as melanocytes. As we grow older, melanocytes become less active, so less pigment is produced, the colour fades, and grey hairs grow instead.

20 painkillers found in your kitchen

When Danish researchers asked achy people to jazz up their diets with ginger, it eased muscle and joint pain, swelling and stiffness for up to 63 percent of them within two months. Experts credit ginger’s potent compounds called gingerols, which prevent the production of pain-triggering hormones. The study-recommended dose: Add at least 1 teaspoon of dried ginger or 2 teaspoons of chopped ginger to meals daily.

Cure a toothache with cloves Got a toothache and can’t get to the dentist? Gently chewing on a clove can ease tooth pain and gum inflammation for two hours straight, say UCLA researchers. Experts point to a natural compound in cloves called eugenol, a powerful, natural anesthetic. Bonus: Sprinkling a ¼ teaspoon of ground cloves on meals daily may also protect your ticker. Scientists say this simple action helps stabilize blood sugar, plus dampen production of artery-clogging cholesterol in as little as three weeks.

Heal heartburn with cider vinegar Sip 1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar mixed with 8 ounces of water before every meal, and experts say you could shut down painful bouts of heartburn in as little as 24 hours. “Cider vinegar is rich in malic and tartaric acids, powerful digestive aids that speed the breakdown of fats and proteins so your stomach can empty quickly, before food washes up into the esophagus, triggering heartburn pain,” explains Joseph Brasco, M.D., a gastroenterologist at the Center for Colon and Digestive Diseases in Huntsville, AL.

Erase earaches with garlic Painful ear infections drive millions of Americans to doctors’ offices every year. To cure one fast, just place two drops of warm garlic oil into your aching ear twice daily for five days. This simple treatment can clear up ear infections faster than prescription meds, say experts at the University of New Mexico School of Medicine. Scientists say garlic’s active ingredients (germanium, selenium, and sulfur compounds) are naturally toxic to dozens of different pain-causing bacteria. To whip up your own garlic oil gently simmer three cloves of crushed garlic in a half a cup of extra virgin olive oil for two minutes, strain, then refrigerate for up to two weeks, suggests Teresa Graedon, Ph.D., co-author of the book, Best Choices From The People’s Pharmacy. For an optimal experience, warm this mix slightly before using so the liquid will feel soothing in your ear canal.

Chase away joint and headache pain with cherries Latest studies show that at least one in four women is struggling with arthritis, gout or chronic headaches. If you’re one of them, a daily bowl of cherries could ease your ache, without the stomach upset so often triggered by today’s painkillers, say researchers at East Lansing ’s Michigan State University . Their research reveals that anthocyanins, the compounds that give cherries their brilliant red color, are anti-inflammatories 10 times stronger than ibuprofen and aspirin. “Anthocyanins help shut down the powerful enzymes that kick-start tissue inflammation, so they can prevent, as well as treat, many different kinds of pain,” explains Muraleedharan Nair, Ph.D., professor of food science at Michigan State University . His advice: Enjoy 20 cherries (fresh, frozen or dried) daily, then continue until your pain disappears.

Fight tummy troubles with fish Indigestion, irritable bowel syndrome, inflammatory bowel diseases...if your belly always seems to be in an uproar, try munching 18 ounces of fish weekly to ease your misery. Repeated studies show that the fatty acids in fish, called EPA and DHA, can significantly reduce intestinal inflammation, cramping and belly pain and, in some cases, provide as much relief as corticosteroids and other prescription meds. “EPA and DHA are powerful, natural, side effect-free anti-inflammatories, that can dramatically improve the function of the entire gastrointestinal tract,” explains biological chemist Barry Sears, Ph.D., president of the Inflammation Research Foundation in Marblehead , MA . For best results, look for oily fish like salmon, sardines, tuna, mackerel, trout and herring.

Prevent PMS with yogurt Up to 80 percent of women will struggle with premenstrual syndrome and its uncomfortable symptoms, report Yale researchers. The reason: Their nervous systems are sensitive to the ups and downs in estrogen and progesterone that occur naturally every month. But snacking on 2 cups of yogurt a day can slash these symptoms by 48 percent, say researchers at New York ’s Columbia University . “Yogurt is rich in calcium, a mineral that naturally calms the nervous system, preventing painful symptoms even when hormones are in flux,” explains Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., a professor of gynecology at Yale University .

Tame chronic pain with turmeric Studies show turmeric, a popular East Indian spice, is actually three times more effective at easing pain than aspirin, ibuprofen or naproxen, plus it can help relieve chronic pain for 50 percent of people struggling with arthritis and even fibromyalgia, according to Cornell researchers. That’s because turmeric’s active ingredient, curcumin, naturally shuts down cyclooxygenase 2, an enzyme that churns out a stream of pain-producing hormones, explains nutrition researcher Julian Whitaker, M.D. and author of the book, Reversing Diabetes. The study-recommended dose: Sprinkle 1/4 teaspoon of this spice daily onto any rice, poultry, meat or vegetable dish.

End endometrial pain with oats The ticket to soothing endometriosis pain could be a daily bowl of oatmeal. Endometriosis occurs when little bits of the uterine lining detach and grow outside of the uterus. Experts say these migrating cells can turn menstruation into a misery, causing so much inflammation that they trigger severe cramping during your period, plus a heavy ache that drags on all month long. Fortunately, scientists say opting for a diet rich in oats can help reduce endometrial pain for up to 60 percent of women within six months. That’s because oats don’t contain gluten, a trouble-making protein that triggers inflammation in many women, making endometriosis difficult to bear, explains Peter Green, M.D., professor of medicine at Colombia University .

Soothe foot pain with salt Experts say at least six million Americans develop painful ingrown toenails each year. But regularly soaking ingrown nails in warm salt water baths can cure these painful infections within four days, say scientists at California ’s Stanford University . The salt in the mix naturally nixes inflammation, plus it’s anti-bacterial, so it quickly destroys the germs that cause swelling and pain. Just mix 1 teaspoon of salt into each cup of water, heat to the warmest temperature that you can comfortably stand, and then soak the affected foot area for 20 minutes twice daily, until your infection subsides.

Prevent digestive upsets with pineapple Got gas? One cup of fresh pineapple daily can cut painful bloating within 72 hours, say researchers at California ’s Stanford University . That's because pineapple is natually packed with proteolytic enzymes, digestive aids that help speed the breakdown of pain-causing proteins in the stomach and small intestine, say USDA researchers.

Relax painful muscles with peppermint Suffering from tight, sore muscles? Stubborn knots can hang around for months if they aren’t properly treated, says naturopath Mark Stengler, N.D., author of the book, The Natural Physician’s Healing Therapies. His advice: Three times each week, soak in a warm tub scented with 10 drops of peppermint oil. The warm water will relax your muscles, while the peppermint oil will naturally soothe your nerves -- a combo that can ease muscle cramping 25 percent more effectively than over-the-counter painkillers, and cut the frequency of future flare-ups in half, says Stengler.

Give your back some TLC with grapes Got an achy back? Grapes could be the ticket to a speedy recovery. Recent studies at Ohio State University suggest eating a heaping cup of grapes daily can relax tight blood vessels, significantly improving blood flow to damaged back tissues (and often within three hours of enjoying the first bowl). That’s great news because your back’s vertebrae and shock-absorbing discs are completely dependent on nearby blood vessels to bring them healing nutrients and oxygen, so improving blood flow is essential for healing damaged back tissue, says Stengler.

Wash away pain injuries with water Whether it’s your feet, your knees or your shoulders that are throbbing, experts at New York ’s Manhattan College , say you could kick-start your recovery in one week just by drinking eight 8-ounce glasses of water daily. Why? Experts say water dilutes, and then helps flush out, histamine, a pain-triggering compound produced by injured tissues. “Plus water is a key building block of the cartilage that cushions the ends of your bones, your joints’ lubricating fluid, and the soft discs in your spine,” adds Susan M. Kleiner, Ph.D., author of the book, The Good Mood Diet. “And when these tissues are well-hydrated, they can move and glide over each other without causing pain.” One caveat: Be sure to measure your drinking glasses to find out how large they really are before you start sipping, she says. Today’s juice glasses often hold more than 12 ounces, which means five servings could be enough to meet your daily goal.

Heal sinus problems with horseradish Latest studies show sinusitis is the nation’s number one chronic health problem. And this condition doesn’t just spur congestion and facial pain, it also makes sufferers six times more likely to feel achy all-over. Horseradish to the rescue! According to German researchers, this eye-watering condiment naturally revs up blood flow to the sinus cavities, helping to open and drain clogged sinuses and heal sinus infections more quickly than decongestant sprays do. The study-recommended dose: One teaspoon twice daily (either on its own, or used as a sandwich or meat topping) until symptoms clear.

Beat bladder infections with blueberries Eating 1 cup of blueberries daily, whether you opt for them fresh, frozen or in juice form, can cut your risk of a urinary tract infection (UTIs) by 60 percent, according to researchers at New Jersey’s Rutgers University. That's because blueberries are loaded with tannins, plant compounds that wrap around problem-causing bacteria in the bladder, so they can’t get a toehold and create an infection, explains Amy Howell, Ph.D. a scientist at Rutgers University .

Heal mouth sores with honey Dab painful canker and cold sores with unpasteurized honey four times daily until these skin woes disappear, and they’ll heal 43 percent faster than if you use a prescription cream, say researchers at the Dubai Specialized Medical Center in the United Arab Emirates . Raw honey’s natural enzymes zap inflammation, destroy invading viruses and speed the healing of damaged tissues, say the study authors.

Fight breast pain with flax In one recent study, adding 3 tablespoons of ground flax to their daily diet eased breast soreness for one in three women within 12 weeks. Scientists credit flax’s phytoestrogens, natural plant compounds that prevent the estrogen spikes that can trigger breast pain. More good news: You don’t have to be a master baker to sneak this healthy seed into your diet. Just sprinkle ground flax on oatmeal, yogurt, applesauce or add it to smoothies and veggie dips.

Cure migraines with coffee Prone to migraines? Try muscling-up your painkiller with a coffee chaser. Whatever over-the-counter pain med you prefer, researchers at the National Headache Foundation say washing it down with a strong 12- ounce cup of coffee will boost the effectiveness of your medication by 40 percent or more. Experts say caffeine stimulates the stomach lining to absorb painkillers more quickly and more effectively.

Tame leg cramps with tomato juice At least one in five people regularly struggle with leg cramps. The culprit? Potassium deficiencies, which occur when this mineral is flushed out by diuretics, caffeinated beverages or heavy perspiration during exercise. But sip 10 ounces of potassium-rich tomato juice daily and you'll not only speed your recovery, you'll reduce your risk of painful cramp flare-ups in as little as 10 days, say UCLA researchers.

Breathing Therapy

Breathing Therapy

The nose has a left and a right side; we use both to inhale and exhale. Actually they are different; you would be able to feel the difference. The right side represents the sun, left side represents the moon. During a headache, try to close your right nose and use your left nose to breathe.. In about 5 mins, your headache will be gone. If you feel tired, just reverse, close your left nose and breathe through your right nose. After a while, you will feel your mind is refreshed. Right side belongs to 'hot', so it gets heated up easily, left side belongs to 'cold'. Most females breathe with their left nose, so they get "cooled off" faster. Most of the guys breathe with their right nose, they get worked up. Do you notice the moment we wake up, which side breathes faster? Left or right? If left is faster, you will feel tired. So, close your left nose and use your right nose for breathing, you will get refreshed quickly. This can be taught to kids, but it is more effective when practiced by adults. My friend used to have bad headaches and was always visiting the doctor.There was this period when he suffered headache literally every night, unable to study. He took painkillers, did not work, he decided to try out the breathing therapy here: closed his right nose and breathed through his left nose. In less than a week, his headaches were gone! He continued the exercise for one month. This alternative natural therapy without medication is something that one has to experience. So, why not give it a try?